I wish it undone!
by Eraman
Summary: The Hood left one last surprise for the Tracys and this one... this one had the possibility to ruin everything. International Rescue, the ship and worst of all... their family. AU from the last episode so spoilers for the first half of the first chapter!
1. Chapter 1

Part 1

"Brains", Scott called as he glided into the room with Gordon close behind him.

"Brains", Gordon called as he followed Scott.

"I'm here Scott", Brains replied as he appeared from behind one of the chairs.

"Brains what's going on", Gordon asked sounding a little angry. "Were you trying to ditch us?"

"It was uh… engine trouble. I'm sure it will be fine now. Shall we get going?" He turned when he notice Alan glide into the room.

"Hey Brains look who we found", the young blonde said happily. Brains looked up and noticed Virgil arriving with Jeff's arm around his shoulders. "Uh where's Max?"

"It's good to see you Jeff", Brains replied and moved closer to Jeff while Jeff did the same.

"It's good to see you too", Jeff replied, but he was not fooled in the slightest. He held his hand out to 'Brains'. "Brains." When the imposter took his hand Jeff twirled around and slammed him against the wall. The boys hurried towards them.

"Whoa dad easy", Virgil exclaimed and held out an arm to try and calm his father.

"This isn't Brains Virgil", Jeff replied calmly.

The doors opened again and in came the real Brains, wearing some kind of goggles and with Max behind him.

"N-no storage locker c-can hold me", he said and then realized who was in the room as well. "M-M-Mr. Tracy!"

"Hi Brains", Jeff replied and handed the imposter over to Alan and Gordon. "In all our years together he has never called me Jeff to my face. It's good to see you again partner." Jeff hugged a stunned Brains. Brains made a happy little humming sound. As he did the imposter revealed himself to be the Hood. Jeff turned to him and sent a glare his way.

"You never give up do you Hood?" he asked.

"Not as far as you're concerned", Hood replied.

"What is it with you", Alan asked, sounding almost exasperated. "Why do you hate my dad so much?"

"It may be hard to imagine but we were friends a long time ago", the Hood replied. "The two of us were going to change the world. But my ways never suited the mighty Jeff Tracy. He had this funny thing about right and wrong. At every turn he was there to undermine my pursuits. I finally had enough. If Jeff Tracy wanted to make me out to be the villain, then the villain I would be and the best villain our world has ever seen!"

"You need better goals Hood", was Jeff's only reply as he advanced on the Hood. Then he turned to Brains with a small smirk. "Brains, tell me about the storage locker. We have some baggage to stow before we take off."

"R-right away Mr. Tracy... this way!" Brains said and they started to drag the Hood after him. They passed a confused John who had been hanging back to make sure all computers on the Thunderbirds were locked in properly.

"What is he doing here?" John asked and looked between his brothers.

"Long story", Gordon sighed and helped Scott and Virgil drag the man off, leaving Jeff, Alan and John alone in the hallway. Jeff smiled at his two space-loving sons and together they headed off to the cockpit again. The Hood watched them and growled. They put him in the storage locker but before they closed it the Hood shouted:

"Code activate conditions: BWJTCD54321TBAGO!"

The boys and Brains looked at each other in confusion, then worry. Had the Hood planted something on the ship!? When the Hood looked around and nothing happened his smug smirk disappeared and he roared angrily. Scott, snorted and closed the door.

"B-better ask John to c-check all systems before we go", Brains said as they glided back to the cockpit. "W-we don't want any more nasty s-surprises."

"I hear that", Scott chuckled.

* * *

When they got there Scott, Gordon and Brains strapped in, asking John to run checks, while Virgil headed for their father to make sure he was comfortable. Jeff smiled at his second oldest.

"Virgil", he said gently. "I'm gonna be okay."

"I know dad", Virgil replied softly, then headed for his seat as well.

"Alright go no go for launch", Scott said and turned to John. "Telemetry?"

"Go", John replied.

"Navigation?"

"Go!" Gordon replied.

"Airframe?"

"Go", Virgil replied while strapping in.

"Propulsion?"

"Go", Brains replied.

"Helm?"

"Go!" Alan replied happily.

"Then let's go home", Scott said, then turned to Jeff. "Wanna count us down?"

"I was hoping you'd ask", Jeff replied. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1… Thunderbirds are go!"

Brains reached to activate the T-drive engine… when something happened. All of a sudden the computers all started blaring error messages and warnings.

"What the hell!?" Scott asked. "Brains?!"

"I-I don't know what is happening", Brains replied and started typing. "The s-systems are c-crashing!"

"It's the Hood", Gordon said. "This must be because of that code he shouted!"

"What code?" Alan asked.

"Code activate conditions: BWJTCD54321TBAGO", Virgil replied and tried to adjust some of the relays in front of him. "Nothing is responding!"

"Bring the Hood here and force him to tell us what he did!" Alan cried out angrily.

"No", Brains said and looked at the code rolling by on his screen. "T-this isn't the H-Hood."

"Then who is doing this?" Scott asked and drifted over to Brains to look over his shoulders. All the strange things on his screen made no sense to Scott. Virgil, Alan and Gordon also joined him. Alan looked at the code. He could figure some out.

"I-I am not sure", Brains replied to Scott. "It i-is… I mean I k-know _who_ c-could do it. I j-just don't know w-why."

"Who?" Virgil asked. "The Mechanic?"

"N-no", Brains said and turned around and the others followed his gaze. He was looking right at John. John sat looking at the screen, no emotion whatsoever on his face. At least not at first. Then he started chuckling, then full out laughing. However it was not John's normal laugh, this one sent chills down their spines.

"John?" Virgil asked and glided towards him and reached out to grip his shoulder. Only to have John shot up rom his chair, grip Virgil's arm, spin around and slam him into the others.

"What the hell!?" Scott yelled and tried to get at John. The problem was that John was too used to zero g. He easily out maneuvered each of his brothers, only having a little trouble with Alan. He then vaulted over their father's seat and stopped by the door. He was still chuckling in that strange deranged way and he raised his hand. The brothers, Jeff and Brains now noticed that he held a taser there.

"Let's have a little talk now shall we?" John asked and laughed a laugh filled with complete evil.

* * *

**TBC**

**I got inspired by the last episode when I noticed John not being in the room with the others. It's all AU from here on forth. **


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Scott gaped at his brother who stood there in front of them laughing as if this was the funniest thing that had ever happened. Forget that he had just hacked their systems and stranded them in space. Forget that he had just beaten them all up. Forget that he was armed with a taser. It was his laughter that was the real problem in Scott's eyes. Why the hell was he laughing like that!? It was unnerving! It was a laughter without any true mirth, almost manic. Scott looked around at his brothers. They all looked as confused as he was sure he did himself. Virgil looked at Scott as if to ask what was going on. Scott had no answers. Alan and Gordon looked confused, but in comparison to their eldest two brothers their confusion stemmed from fear. Jeff had unfastened his seatbelt and was hovering just behind Scott, Brains hung back with Max. Scott turned his gaze back to John who was still laughing like some anime villain. Yes Scott knew what anime was, he had watched it before. He, Virgil and John had been hooked when they were kids and something anime had taught him was that no matter how insane the laughter was… there was always a reason behind it. So there was a reason behind John acting all crazy. Scott took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak but John beat him to it.

"Oh it's too funny", he laughed while covering his eyes with one hand. "It's too funny."

"What's so funny", Scott asked. "Because I can't see the humor in you hacking the computers, shutting down the systems, attacking your brothers and laughing like an idiot!" Scott felt a chill run up his spine when John removed the hand he had covered his eyes with. John had stopped laughing now and instead smiled in the most evil way Scott had ever seen. His eyes… that was not John's eyes. They were filled with a manic sort of glow. He looked, for a lack of a better word, psychotic. This… this was wrong. John was _never _supposed to look like that. John always looked calm, collected… compassionate. There was nothing of that in the face before him. Nothing at all.

"Oh?" John questioned. "You don't see the humor in it?"

"No Johnny I really don't", Scott said and tried to sound a little calmer this time. "What the hell…" he trailed off when John's eyebrows furrowed. Change words quick! "What is so funny?"

John chuckled again and looked at his brother one by one. Gordon and Alan stared at him in fear, Virgil in worry, Scott in worry as well. But John could see it. That underlying anger that bubbled underneath the surface. Scott had a short fuse. Had always had one. John chuckled again and his gaze landed on Jeff. He scoffed and shook his head.

"You know it was so much simpler when you were gone", he said with a big smile on his face. His brothers stared at him.

"WHAT!?" they yelled.

"Son you don't mean that", Jeff tried gently.

"Oh but I do", John replied. "You see with you _gone_ I wouldn't have to suffer in silence anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh as if you don't know!" John's grin and happy tone was gone now, now he was furious. Alan and Gordon slid backwards in surprise. They had seen John angry before, but not like this. He looked as if he was about to start shooting at things… if he'd had a gun that is.

"Johnny…"

"DON'T CALL ME JOHNNY!" John shouted and looked as if he was about to start throwing things. "You have no _right _to call me that!"

"John hey easy!" Virgil said and slid in between Jeff and John, holding up his hands in a peace sign. "What the hell is going on? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" John asked and scoffed in that unhinged way again. "What's wrong he says. What's wrong? HAHAHAHAHAHA!" And there was that psychotic laughter again. John gripped his head and kept laughing hysterically. Scott felt sick, Virgil looked sick, Jeff was worried beyond belief, Brains had no idea of what to do and Gordon and Alan were terrified. John looked at the roof and the laughter stopped, but the unhinged grin stayed on his lips.

"What's wrong", he asked again. "Oh I'll tell you what's wrong Virgil. _That _is wrong!" he pointed at Jeff with the taser. "That man being here is wrong! He is not supposed to be here! He is supposed to be gone!"

"Don't say that", Alan cut in. "Don't say that John."

"Oh I will say it", John said and turned his manic gaze on Alan. "You can't see it Alan. None of you do!" the last he shouted and looked around at them. "None of you have ever seen it! None of you have _ever _seen who that man really is. _What_ he is." The last he growled out in pure disgust.

"John", Jeff said calmly and held his hands up, moving slowly towards him.

"Stay back old man", John growled and raised the taser higher.

"What happened?" Jeff asked gently.

"What happened? What _happened_? WHAT HAPPENED!? _You_ happened!" John kicked the console so hard Virgil worried for his brother's foot as well as the console. "You happened _dad_! You were gone! Things were fine! Things were okay! I was okay! I. Was. _Okay._"

"What do you mean John?" Scott asked carefully, not wanting to make his brother even angrier. John turned his burning gaze to Scott.

"I. Was. Okay." He growled.

"And… you weren't before dad disappeared?"

"Oh no no no no I was okay then too I was." John ran a hand through his hair, looking a lot calmer. This was impossible. John was usually so stable and now his mood was like a roller-coaster-ride. Scott blinked. "I was so far away so I couldn't suffer as much."

"What do you mean with suffer?" Gordon asked. "Did dad do something?"

"Did he do something?" John mimicked and had the situation not been so dire Alan would have laughed at how John sounded just like him when John told him to get back to his lessons.

"Oh I don't know Gordon why don't you ask _him_", John said and pointed at Jeff. "what he did."

All eyes were on Jeff, but Jeff only had eyes for his middle son. John glared at him and Jeff studied him. John had always been tall, taller than his brothers an the odd one out with his red hair and green-blue eyes. He took after his mother both in looks and personality. Lucy had always been calm and collected, compassionate, kind and self-sacrificing. John was just like her. However the young man in front of him now was unhinged. His body hunched over slightly, like a cornered animal ready to pounce… a scorpion ready to strike. Every muscle in John's body was tense, his gaze panickily looking around at them as if wondering which one would attack him first. Jeff moved a little closer and John raised the taser a little higher, as if it was a shield between him and Jeff. John was angry… and he was scared.

"John", Jeff said soothingly. "What did I do to hurt you so badly?"

"What did you do!?" John yelled. "You don't know!?"

"No… I don't or rather I don't understand. Please son, please help me understand what I did to hurt you so badly."

"Son", John spat the word as if it disgusted him. "Son? You have the nerve to call me son?" He growled darkly and gripped his hair with his free hand. He was trembling all over, then he sighed heavily. "Things were so much better after I accepted that you were _gone_…" he let go of his own hair and let his arm hang limp at his side. "Gone and never coming back. Missing and unfindable for me… I couldn't find you, just gone. Gone way... far far away. I could let go of it now."

"Let go of what?" Virgil asked.

"The pain", John replied and balled his free hand into a tight fist. "The pain _he _caused. The pain to know that our father loves you guys more than he has ever loved me."

The cockpit got very quiet. Then Scott's face turned red in fury.

"That's not true John and you know it!" he yelled angrily. "Dad loves us all equally!"

"No he doesn't", John replied and scoffed.

"Shut up! This is why you are acting all crazy? Because of daddy issues?"

"Oh I don't have issues", John said and smirked.

"Well it bloody looks like it!"

"I am just giving you the whole picture, telling you of what _dad_ is really like."

"But dad is not like that", Alan tried to reason with John, while siding with Scott. "He never picked favorites!"

"Hah", John laughed mirthlessly. "That's rich! He did pick. He picked y_ou_ four. And why not? After all… you all take after _him_."

"Now wait just a moment", Virgil began but John was not about to let anyone stop him from saying his piece.

"You are all sooooo athletic, sooooo into sports and adventure and thrills and adrenaline inducing stunts… sooooo manly. Not at all like nice and quiet little Johnny now is it?"

"John being different is not anything bad", Virgil soothed carefully.

"Oh one would think that but it is", John said matter-of-factly. "Uh huh it is. At least in _this _family. Tell me Virgil do you remember when you were playing in that football game to see if you made it through to the nationals?"

"You mean when I was 20 and at college?"

"Yes."

"I do. Everyone but you came."

"Did you know where I was?"

"Dad said you were sick."

John laughed again. "Oh yes. I was _sick_. Anything was better than doing what I really was doing."

"Which was?"

"Winning the Gaming World Cup."

"No you weren't!"

"Oh yes I was", John spat. "But it was not good enough for _dad_. I told him I was competing in the _world cup_ but he could not come because he had a meeting. Then I found out he went to your game instead. Oh but this was nothing new… he's done this a few more times. Let's see…" he tapped his chin. "Who here remembers my graduation ceremony from NASA?"

"I thought no one was allowed to go because it was a private thing", Gordon said confused and glanced around at his brothers.

"Um yeah that's just what I said to keep _dad _out of trouble", John spat. "In reality dad couldn't come because Scott had asked him to come visit him at the air force base."

"What?" Scott asked. "That's rubbish!"

"Oh no it isn't", John said. "No no. Remember Scotty? You and dad having a face off in the air? April 10th right?"

"I think so", Scott said. "No... wait it was! That was the day I got promoted."

"And the day I graduated from NASA", John said and shrugged. "Oh well at least dad could meet up with you for a cup of coffee and then agree to fly a little."

"John I had no idea", Scott tried.

"You didn't but dad _did_", John spat and glared at their father. "And don't get me started on our childhood. I lost count of how many competitions I entered that dad or you guys never attended and yet… I came to anything you did."

"So you're jealous?" Scott scoffed. "Is that what this is about?"

"Jealous?" John asked and looked deep in thought. "No. Disgusted. Angry. Fed up. That is what I am. But jealous? Not in the slightest."

"You're so full of shit", Scott yelled angrily and glided a little closer. Jeff grabbed his arm and pulled him back though when he saw John tighten the grip on the taser. "You're doing this, stranding us in space to get back at dad or to just lash out at us? You're not right in the head John. Dad sacrificed everything for us!"

"For you, you mean."

"No! _All _of us! Sure he had to work a lot to get the company up an running. Sure he could not be there for everything but he was there when it really mattered!"

"For _you._ Not for me. _Never _for me." He started chuckling again. "Never for me!"

"You're wrong! If you think that you are really an idiot! John stop being so stupid!"

John blinked and then he scoffed and lastly he threw his head back and started to laugh that crazy chilling laughter again. It echoed around the room and involuntarily his brother moved a little closer to one another and Brains moved closer to Brains. Jeff lowered his gaze. How could it have come to this? What had he done to hurt his son so badly?

* * *

Scott could not believe what he was hearing. How could John just stand there and proclaim that their father didn't care about him? Had he forgotten how Jeff sat by their sides whenever they were sick or hurt? How he would take them to their favorite sport games? How he would teach them to fly? How he would defend them against the media. How could John not see what their father had done for them!?

* * *

Virgil could not believe what he was hearing. How could John just stand there and proclaim that their father didn't care about him? Had he forgotten how Jeff sat by their sides whenever they were sick or hurt? How he would take them to their favorite sport games? How he would teach them to fly? How he would defend them against the media. How he had taken them to their favorite concerts and engineering exhibits? How could John not see what their father had done for them!? Wait… John had never really been sick when they were kids, Jeff had never really sat by his bedside. He had done it after the avalanche that killed their mother. Jeff had been out of the country when John fell from the roof and got a concussion though. John was already up and moving around when Jeff came back. But he had taken them to their favorite sports games! Only… John didn't really like football, baseball or soccer. He liked volleyball and gymnastics and chess. Dad had never taken them to any of those events… But he did teach John how to fly… no wait Scott did that. He had protected John and them all against the media though. Not John though he realized. John stayed out of it on his own. John was phenomenal at melting away into the background and be inconspicuous. John was born to be a spy, they'd joked about that when they were younger. Surely Jeff had taken them to their favorite concerts and engineering exhibits! No… not them. Just Virgil. Virgil looked at his brother who was laughing like a madman.

"Oh Johnny", Virgil whispered softly, heart breaking at the realization.

* * *

Gordon could not believe what he was hearing. How could John just stand there and proclaim that their father didn't care about him? Had he forgotten how Jeff sat by their sides whenever they were sick or hurt? How he would take them to their favorite sport games? How he would teach them to swim? How he followed them out onto the ocean and spent the day swimming and diving together and sailing? How he would defend them against the media. How could John not see what their father had done for them!? The realization hit Gordon like a freight train. Johnny had never been sick when they were kids and dad had not been there when he got hurt from falling off the roof. Gordon couldn't remember if it was Jeff who taught John to swim or if it was their mother. John had followed Gordon and the others out on the ocean… but Gordon had been the on who got all Jeff's attention. John had never needed to be protected by the media because he could hold his own… like a superspy! He'd answer questions and journalists would have no clue who he is and if they did know who he was he would answer them with such complicated answer that the gossip journalists would be unable to print it because the only one that would get what John talked about was physicists, space engineers, top ranking astronomers, computer programming geniuses or… games enthusiasts. Gordon was not going to call them nerds or geeks. Nope, no, no, no no. Though… Johnny was both a nerd and a geek and Gordon wouldn't have it any other way. Looking at his brother now Gordon was still scared, but not of him… no no no for him. What if John hurt himself? He would make sure that never happened! Not on his watch. John always looked out for them during missions. Making sure they were safe, could get out of messes and just keeping an eye on everything. Gordon remembered the discussion when he borrowed Thunderbird One.

_"What are you doing", John asked calmly._

_"GAH!" Gordon exclaimed in shock. One would think he would be used to John's hologram popping up whenever or almost wherever he liked. "John, I need to borrow Thunderbird One."_

_John laughed. "You're joking."_

_"Do I look like I'm joking? It's an emergency!"_

_"Virgil will be back soon, can't you wait for him?"_

_"_No_. And since you have your nose stuck in everything around here I'm guessing you were listening in on my call from Parker."_

_"Communications is my job Gordon", John replied matter-of-factly._

_"See that's perfect", Gordon replied excitedly. "So it can be your job to _communicate _my transportation needs to Scott. Just wait until after I get there to tell him, okay?"_

_"You better not crash it", John said in that big brother voice all the older Tracys seemed to have._

Gordon was sure that when he nearly did catch… John was actually the one that caught him. He was also sure that John had made sure that he didn't crash the whole way there and the whole way back. If it was for Gordon's sake or Scott's was anybody's guess. No, it was for both. Gordon knew that. John always looked out for them. Gordon would pay him back for it.

"I promise Johnny", he whispered to himself.

* * *

Alan could not believe what he was hearing. How could John just stand there and proclaim that their father didn't care about him? Had he forgotten how Jeff sat by their sides whenever they were sick or hurt? How he would take them to their favorite races? How he would teach them to fly? How he would point out the stars and constellations to them? How he would defend them against the media. How could John not see what their father had done for them!? John was smarter than that! John was Alan's idol. John knew well… almost everything there is to know about space and space crafts and computers and games and programming and… and all the cool things! When they were little, like four and six Gordon and Alan had been sure John was a ninja. John had done gymnastics for a while and could do cool stuff even now… when he got his Earth legs under control. They also thought h was a ninja because he was never sick or hurt! Not that Alan could remember anyway. That's why their father never sat with him, he never had to. Jeff had taken Alan to the races to watch all the cars, not John because he knew John really didn't like the loud sound and he was not "addicted" to the speed and cars at all. Jeff didn't want to force him through something he hated. That's why John was never asked along! That was also a misunderstanding! Dad taught Scott and Virgil to fly, Alan knew that. Scott and Virgil taught Gordon and Alan and Alan was a natural at it. But who taught John? Alan had no idea. When Alan was little John had been his role model. Scott had been his hero but it was John he wanted to be like. He remembered them sitting up late at night under the stars with John's old telescope. Alan would be looking while John told him. That's right… it wasn't dad that taught them it was John! But… but dad must have taught John! Yes that was it! It was just a misunderstanding! John thought Jeff telling Alan about the stars was because he hated John… It was because he thought John didn't want to hear what he already knew! Then it was the question about the media. John was a ninja who could disappear and reappear when he wanted to! Jeff never protected him because he knew John could handle it. Yeah that's right. Jeff didn't hate him, he trusted him to handle it way more than he trusted the others. Why couldn't John see it? Alan looked at John.

"Why can't you see you are wrong Johnny?" he asked himself.

* * *

**TBC**

**Okay I might upset people now but in my mind John has always been the middle son. It suits his character better, especially in this story. Don't kill me!**

**Thanks for all reviews! **


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

John's horrible laughter died down again and he looked at his brothers and father again. He chuckled and shook his head.

"I'm stupid?" he asked and chuckled. "Really? Let me ask you this _Scott_." He glided closer towards Scott who met him so they were nearly nose to nose. "If you were in my shoes. If our father had so openly chosen everyone else before you… would you be stupid to call him out on it?"

"Of course not but that's not what this is about John!"

"Oh then do tell me what it is about."

"It is about you being a stupid, childish brat!" Scott yelled at John. "Daddy doesn't love me boo ho." Scott mock cried. "Grow up John! You are the blind one! You can't see how much dad loves us, _all _of us. You included. You say he loves us more than you? You sound like a whiny brat who is upset because they didn't get the present they wanted for Christmas!"

"Scott", Gordon cut in when he noticed John's hand trembling.

"You are our coordinator out there John, you have eyes everywhere but you are blind to the truth because when it comes to people and social interaction you are as blind as a bat. How can you really believe the shit you are spurting right now? Dad loves us all equally and that includes you! I will not stand here and have you drag him through the dirt because you are having some mental breakdown due to your guilty feelings!"

"Scott", Virgil tried hurriedly when he noticed John slowly raise his arm.

"God John you are so pathe-" Scott didn't get any further because John punched him in the jaw and sent him flying. Virgil and Gordon hurriedly grabbed a hold of Scott.

"I AM NOT PATHETIC!" John roared and his eyes looked crazier than ever. He gripped his hair again and pulled at it tightly. "I am not I am not I am not!"

"Well you look it to me", Scott spat and rubbed his jaw. "What the hell John!? First you strand us here-"

"Shut up!"

"-then you hack the systems-"

"Shut. Up!"

"-then you beat up your brothers-"

"Shut up!"

"-then you threaten us with a taser-"

"Shut up shut up!"

"-then you start spurting lie after lie about dad! You are so pathe-"

"Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP!" John screamed and banged his head against the wall with such force that he got a cut on his forehead which started bleeding.

"John!?" Alan cried out in alarm and took off at him. He reached out to stop John from further injuring himself but Jeff grabbed him around the torso and held him back. John was gripping his hair so tightly his knuckles turned white and he looked at his brothers again. Blood poured down his face and his eyes burned in hatred. He held the taser in front of him again and Alan understood that if he had moved closer it would have shocked him.

"J-Johnny", Alan stuttered in fear.

"Get. Back." John growled.

"B-but John I-"

"I SAID GET BACK ALAN!"

"Hey don't you yell at", Scott began but Virgil and Gordon shut him up by covering his mouth.

"SHUT UP!" John screamed, gripping his hair even tighter, nearly pulling it. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! You guys don't get it! You don't get it! Nobody gets it! No one ever gets it!" He looked even more hysterical now. "I am not jealous! I'm not! I know for a fact that dad loves you guys more than me!"

"How", Alan asked carefully. "Maybe… maybe you just misunderstoo-"

"I did not misunderstand!" John said and slammed the taser against a console, sending sparks everywhere. The brothers, Jeff and Brains moved back from them. John glared hatefully at his family.

"I did not misunderstand", he growled. "Dad loves you guys more than me… he _hates _me."

"I do not hate you John", Jeff said firmly but yet soothingly.

"You wished I was dead!"

"John I have never, ever wanted you dead", Jeff said and reached for his son. How could he son even believe that? "You are my son and I love you very much. How can you believe that I would wish you dead?" John's face turned dark and filled with fury.

"Oh really?" he asked and his voice dripped of venom, pulling back from his father's touch. "Don't you remember _dad_ what happened that night twelve years ago? I had to look after you because you were too drunk to function. You kept spitting things at me and you told me how much you hated that mom was gone. That you'd give everything to have her back. How you wished it was reversed?"

"What are you talking about Johnny?" Gordon asked.

"Don't call me Johnny!" John yelled and turned his burning gaze on his brothers. "Dad told me he wanted me to be dead! Remember dad?", he turned back to Jeff. "I asked you... I asked you..." John looked close to tears. "I asked if you wished it was reversed... that I had died and mum had lived." The room was deathly silent. "Remember what you replied?" Jeff paled. He had thought that a dream. It had been the anniversary of his wife's death and it had hit him _hard_. Scott and Virgil had been on a school trip and at a neighboring resort there had been an avalanche. The boys were being brought back. To cope Jeff had turned to scotch and had gotten drunk beyond belief. At one point he had dreamt that John had entered the room and had tried to get him to stop. Jeff swallowed hard as the memory resurfaced, the memory he had thought a nightmare for so many years.

* * *

_"What are you doing here?" Jeff growled drunkenly and swatted at the blanket John was draping around his shoulders._

_"Making sure you don't get cold and that you get a nice nap", John whispered carefully as he bent down to pick up the empty bottle. "Grandma is worried about you."_

_"She should mind her own business", Jeff grumbled._

_"Don't be like that… please dad."_

_"Please dad", Jeff slurred. John sighed and started tidying up the desk. Jeff looked at him. Red hair, skinny, lean… turquoise eyes. Just like his mother. John looked just like his Lucy._

_"Why are you here", Jeff asked again._

_"Grandma is wo-"_

_"No", Jeff interrupted as he got up. John hurried over to steady him as much as he could. "Why are you _here_?"_

_"Dad?"_

_"Why are you here and she's not?"_

_"Grandma is lo-"_

_"Not talking about her!" Jeff shouted and pushed John aside roughly. John stumbled back and stared at his father with big eyes. "Why are you here when she is not?!"_

_"W-who?" John stuttered._

_"Why are you here alive while my Lucy had to die?!"_

_"Dad?" John asked again, tears welling up in those eyes that looked just like his mother's._

_"Why are you here!?" Jeff yelled and John shrunk back. "Why are you here while she is dead!? I wish she was here! I wish _she _was here." The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin fall to the floor. Jeff stood swaying on his feet for a bit before dropping down to sit on the couch. He reached for the scotch standing there on the table and poured himself a glass. The sound of liquid filling up the glass was the only sound in the dark and dank room. Until a small voice spoke, a voice filled with hurt._

_"Y-you want it changed?" John asked brokenly._

_"What?" Jeff spat as he gripped the glass._

_"You wish now that our places had been exchanged", John said brokenly. "That I had died, and mom had lived."_

_Jeff lifted the glass to his lips and without looking at John he replied._

* * *

"Y-yes", he got out.

"Dad?" Virgil asked.

"What do you mean dad?" Alan asked.

* * *

_"Yes", Jeff replied darkly. "I wish that." John let out a strange strangled sob and when Jeff turned to glare at him he froze. Those eyes, so like his mother's, were filled to the brim with tears. John was fighting really hard to keep the tears back but failing miserably._

_"You wish I was dead", he got out in a shaky voice. "You really wish I was dead?"_

_"I…"_

_"My own dad wants me dead!" cried John ran from the room._

_"Johnny!" Jeff called after him and got up. He swayed on his feet. "Johnny!" But John was too fast. Jeff had just gotten through the door when he heard John's bedroom door slam close. "Johnny!"_

_"Jefferson Tracy what are you doing", his mother said as she stormed towards him._

_"I need to…" Jeff nearly fell over while gesturing towards the hallway where the boys' rooms were._

_"You need nothing", she said firmly. "All you need is your bed." She gripped Jeff by the arm and lead him to his bedroom. She forced him into bed and he was out as soon as his head hit the pillow._

* * *

Jeff Tracy looked at his middle son. John stood in front of him now, eyes burning in hatred and with a tight grip on the taser in his hand. His whole body was trembling.

"Y… you're lying!" Scott yelled at John. "You're lying John! This… this must be some… some strange vivid dream you had! Dad would _never_ say something like that!"

"You still doubt me", John asked with a scoff. "Even after he admitted it?"

"Dad probably dreamt it and asked told you about it and you believed he actually meant it! Dad didn't say that. He didn't! He can't have!"

"But he did!" John yelled and slammed his hand against the console so hard Virgil was sure he heard bones cracking. He noticed out of the corner of his eye how Max was sneaking around John while Brains held something in his hand. Were they going to try and knock John out? "He did! He told me that to my face Scott! He yelled at his kid that he wished said kid was dead and his wife alive!"

"He was drunk John! He didn't mean it!"

"YES HE DID!"

"NO!" Alan shouted, looking as if he was about to start crying. "No John you're wrong! It must be a misunderstanding right?" He looked between John and his father. "I-it is like Scott said, right dad? Y-you dreamt it a-and you told John a-about the dream right? Right? You told him and now he thinks it happened for real? Right?" All eyes were on Jeff Tracy. Jeff himself only had eyes for his middle son. John was floating a bit in front of him. His eyes were filled with madness. Madness Jeff had partly helped create. He tried to imagine what it must have been like for his son. The boy had been told by his father that he wished he had died and that his mother was still alive. Jeff now realized what he had misunderstood all these years. He thought John pulled away from him because he didn't want to be in the way for his brothers, that he never tried to get his father's attention because he put his brothers first… he thought John didn't ask him to go to any games, concerts, shows or events because he was sure John didn't want him there. The Gaming World Cup… Jeff remembered that day. John had called him and asked him to come, Jeff had turned him down because he was sure John only asked to be polite. He had thought John really didn't want him there. Same with the NASA graduation. He had been sure his son didn't _want _him there. For so long Jeff had been sure that John didn't want him near, had not wanted to be with he man who looked at him with sadness because he looked like his mother… had not wanted to go to big events because he felt uncomfortable in big crowds. John had always been shy, always reserved and happy to stay in the background at big fundraisers or other huge social events. Not once had Jeff stopped to think that it was because of something else that his son did not want to go or pulled away from him and the other boys. Jeff had unwittingly and unwillingly… pushed him away in favor for his other more outgoing brothers and to top it all off… he had told his own son that he wished he was dead in his mother's stead. Jeff sighed and hung with his head.

"I said", Jeff said and looked up at John. "I told you that... that I... that I wished that and at the time… I meant it."

John stared at him with big eyes. Jeff was sure he knew why. Never in a million years had John expected his father to actually admit to feeling what he had felt all those years ago. It was wrong and Jeff had been so happy when he realized it had only been a drunk dream and not reality. He had never thought that again. He had pictured a life with Lucy and without john and had realized how horrible it would have been. He would not have been able to live with the guilt of causing the death of his son. He had been the one to tell Lucy to take John with her for one last ride down the slope. He had realized that if he had lost John he would have lost Lucy as well. She would never be able to get over the guilt of not protecting her son and… Jeff was sure he would have lost her somehow. When he only lost her he had his boys to live for. If John had died… he would have lost them all. Lucy would have been first and then the boys. Losing their mother had been hard but losing both would have been worse. Jeff had come to realize over the years that it had been either losing Lucy or losing his entire family. Jeff looked up again when he hear that unhinged chuckling again, unhinged but filled with disbelief.

"He admitted it!" John got out in a mad sort of disbelief, looking around the room as if he had no idea what to do now. "He finally admitted it so that everyone can hear!" he screamed. Jeff looked around at his other sons. Scott and Alan stared at him in obvious denial. Virgil looked calm but Jeff saw the underlying anger. Gordon's face was red with wrath and he looked ready to start shouting. Jeff ignored that however and turned all his attention to John. He watched his son's mad chuckling turn into unhinged laughter, but the psychotic mirth turned to sobs. Suddenly John was laughing and crying all at the same time. Jeff's heart bled and when John gave out an anguished scream and dropped the taser Jeff was about to fly forward, but he was too slow.

"N-now Max!" Brains shouted and from above the robot lunged at John who looked up in anger and tried to throw himself out of the way and at the same time… away from his family.

* * *

**TBC**

**Thanks for all reviews! Got one in Spanish which I had to translate using Google translate so I understood it at least :) **


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Max wrapped his arms around John tightly. John started screaming in rage and tried to get loose.

"John", Jeff exclaimed.

"LET ME GO!" John screamed as he trashed around wildly.

"S-sorry J-John b-but I can't let Max do t-that", Brains said with a voice filled with regret. "M-Max keep him s-steady."

"I'LL KILL YOU!" John screamed as Brains approached him.

"N-no you won't." Brains reached out towards John's head. John tried to keep his head away from Brains, but Max held it in place. John roared and kicked with his legs, hitting the unprepared Brains in the chest and sending him flying. Gordon and Alan scrambled to get him before he injured himself as he was heading headfirst towards a console.

"John!" Jeff exclaimed in horror. "Son please stop it!"

"LET ME GO LET ME GO LET ME GO!" John just kept screaming while trashing wildly in Max's grip. Max tightened the grip and John gasped in pain.

"Max you're hurting him stop it!" Gordon exclaimed worriedly and let go of Brains, but Scott gripped his arm to keep him from going over to John and the robot. John yelped in pain again as Max tightened his hold on him. "Stop it!"

"I-I'm sorry but it i-is the only way", Brains said and slowly approached the pair again. "I n-need him to be s-still."

"What for!?" Gordon screamed.

"I-I need to have a l-look at something." Brains said carefully and moved closer to John. "M-Max hold his h-head."

"Keep your hands off me!" John yelled and kept struggling. "AH!"

"Stop it you're hurting him", Virgil exclaimed and rushed forward, but Jeff got there first. He put his hands on John's cheeks.

"Son please", he begged as John trashed. "Please stay still kiddo." John looked at up at his dad and Jeff saw it… fear, pain… sadness. "Stay still."

"Stop it", John begged. "Let go of me!"

"No", Jeff soothed. "Never. I will never let go of you again the way I did before. I lost you once… it will never happen again son. I lost you that night and I intend to get you back." John looked at him. Jeff carefully rubbed John's cheeks with his thumbs and then noticed something. "What the?" he moved some of John's hair aside at his temple. There was a flat disk there. "John?"

"T-that's what I noticed as well", Brains said. "W-when he was clutching his hair I s-saw it."

"What is that John?" Jeff asked. But John did not reply, he averted his gaze and then squeezed his eyes shut… as if he had a migraine or something. Jeff carefully moved a finger over the disk. It turned out to be a bad decision. John's eyes snapped open and he screamed and started struggling even worse.

"H-hold his h-head still!" Brains exclaimed as he hurried forward with a scanner. Scott and Virgil lunged at their father to help him, but John was not having it. He kept slamming his head back towards Max. Max didn't know what to do because John kept hitting him and soon there was a wound at the back of John's head.

"Let go of him!" Virgil shouted and did just that. "He'll hurt himself!" Scott and Jeff let go as well and Brains flew forward. It was too late though. John got one arm free and snagged a tool from Brains' belt.

"No!" Alan screamed when John brought it towards his own head. However John was not aiming for himself. He hit Max in the eye and the robot gave a startled sound and dropped him fully. John used Max to catapult himself across the room towards the doors. He snagged the taser and looked at his family over his shoulder.

"Johnny wait!" Gordon exclaimed but John got the doors opened and propelled himself through them. "Johnny!"

"After him!" Scott yelled. "But make sure to grab your helmets just in case!" The brothers nodded and set out. Jeff was about to go after them, but Brains held him back. Jeff sighed in defeat. He knew why. He was in no shape to go "running" around the ship. He also knew that in this state he was no match against John if it would come to blows. Jeff sunk down in the chair and looked at the door. What had he done?

* * *

Scott and his brothers scrambled through the ship, trying to find their brother. Even though he must at least have a minor concussion by now John moved quite fast through the ship. Scott knew why, he was used to travelling around in zero g. Right now John was not travelling though, he was running away. Away from his problems and away from the lies he had been trying to feed them. Scott's hands were balled into tight fists as they moved down the hallways. How dared John lie about their father like that? How dared he act as if he had the right to do what he had been doing!? John acted like a spoilt brat with daddy issues. How dared he proclaim that their father loved them more than he loved John? How dared he lie about Jeff wishing him dead? How had he convinced Jeff about it?

Scott knew their father had used to have a problem with alcohol. Had John… had John used that and fed his father the story? Had John manipulated their father into really believing that it had happened for real? Because there was no way that Jeff would say that, no matter how drunk he was. It was all just lies, it had to be. Something was wrong with John… he must… he must have hit his head or something and that's why he was acting all crazy. Those disks on his head must be some sort of experiment of his. A new way to contact EOS or a new way to hack into any systems he wanted! How else could he have hacked the systems so quickly!? He had just punched in the same commands he had after they picked him up before setting out to find dad! He must have been working on the systems while Alan and he was out looking for their father. He must have used those disks to link his mind to the ship's computers! He must… he must… he must have done something because none of this made any sense!

"Which way?" Alan asked and brought Scott out of his musings. They had reached a part where the hallway divided into four directions so they had three to choose from.

"I'm not sure", Gordon replied. "I mean since we are all floating around we can't hear Johnny's footsteps."

"Should we split up then?"

"No", Scott answered sternly. "In zero g John can take us down without problem if we are up against him one on one."

"You think he'll try to attack us again?" Alan asked with big fearful eyes.

"No!" Gordon said. "He will not do that! Right now he is just running away… hiding."

"Yeah to jump out at us and destroy us one by one", Scott grumbled.

"John won't do that", Virgil said. "He's hurt and he's upset. He's not evil."

"Are you sure?"

"Hey!" Gordon yelled. "Johnny is not evil!"

"Then what do you call this?" Scott yelled and gestured at the ship. "He hacked the system and _stranded _us out here! He attacked us! He threatened us with a taser! He punched me! He kicked Brains and he kept spitting all those lies about dad!"

"That's not true and you know it Scott!" Gordon yelled.

"It is Gordon! Open your eyes! John has completely lost his mind! Isolation has driven John bonkers! Why else would he do all this? To get his point across?"

"M-maybe he thought this was the only way?" Alan asked. "I mean… John is not… he's not crazy… is he?"

"No", Virgil and Gordon said firmly at the exact same time that Scott scoffed. Virgil and Gordon glared at him while Alan looked very conflicted.

"John is not crazy", Virgil said firmly. "I am not sure entirely what is going on but I know he is not crazy."

"Yes because the way he kept laughing was really sane", Scott said, voice filled with sarcasm.

"He's… upset. He was letting out everything he has been bottling up since we were kids!"

"Yeah right…"

"Scott you and I both know that you and Alan always speak your mind, not bottling anything up. Gordon lets it out while swimming or when playing a prank on someone. I put my problems into my art or I talk to John… Johnny… he bottles it up. He always has. You know this is true. We all go to John when we need to vent and he listens and advices us. When have we ever been able or asked to do that for him? Johnny bottles everything up inside. All the grief and all the hurt and all the sorrows and all the pain he's ever felt… he's bottled it up and now it just took over!"

"It more than took over Virgil!" Scott yelled. "It blew up in our faces! John has lost his mind!"

"No he has lost the hold on his emotions, there's a difference. Do you really think John enjoys doing this? Have you not been watching the same thing I have?"

"Sure I have, I've watched our brother go over the deep end!"

"No!" Gordon yelled and stepped in. "No! John is not crazy! There's something wrong here!"

"Yes. John's lies."

"He's not lying! Every word he spoke is true! Dad confirmed all of it! Johnny never lies! Why would he lie about something like this!?"

"Because he's crazy!"

"He's not! He really isn't! Ask yourself this Scott… when did dad ever put John first?"

The hallway became very quiet and unbeknownst to the brothers John floated just behind the bend. He had heard every word. He wasn't crazy. He was angry. Upset. _Hurt_. But he was not crazy… at least he didn't think he was. It… it was all just too much. Seeing his father there again, going on as if nothing had happened. Thanking Scott for getting him onboard the ship, as if the rest of them hadn't helped! Assuring Virgil he would be fine while not doing the same for his other boys! Being impressed with Alan's talents and not complimenting anyone else. Nodding in contentment when John suggested staying behind to make sure all computers and systems were connected properly. He had just… chosen to go with the other four like always. Once again putting _them _and _their _needs before his!

Dad always did that! His brothers always mattered more! His dad hated him and couldn't stand being in the same room as him! Why else would he send him as far away as he could, locking him away in space! Jeff Tracy hated his son, so he banished him… while providing a home, a safe haven, a caring family for the other four. That's just how it always had been and always would be. Jeff would always choose them before him. John felt hot, angry tears burn down his cheeks. Scott had no idea. He had no idea! No idea how it felt knowing you were not wanted! How it felt to be looked at with sorrow and regret! Being overlooked and pushed aside. Being forced to rely on himself for everything, without their father's steady hand to hold and to be guided by when necessary.

Jeff never came to anything John asked him to… always chose to do things with the others. It hurt. Each time it hurt. John had become good at hiding it though. It was not noticeable. Not to anyone but John himself. He knew he was hurting and he knew he was right, his father hated him. His father wished he was dead. So whenever Jeff looked at him he saw what he wished he had instead. John was a constant reminder of what Jeff had lost and wanted back. John stopped asking him to come for anything after his NASA graduation. When he got promoted. When he got awards for his books. When he discovered a new star and went to the ceremony to officially name it. Not once did he ask his father to come because he knew he would not. He would've found some excuse to stay home or do something with his brothers instead. He always had… he always would.

When Jeff disappeared… when he was _gone_ John was finally free. He could be home and not being looked at with those sad and remorseful eyes. He was free from the pain of being alive while their mother was not. He was okay with being loved by his remaining family when his father never loved him. His pain was slowly ebbing away and no one had to notice, no one had to help him… and then jeff came back and everything returned and overwhelmed him. John gripped his head tightly. It was wrong! It was all so wrong! Jeff was supposed to be gone so that the pain could be gone! He was supposed to be okay! He was supposed to be fine!

"You're wrong Scott", Gordon's voice cut through the bombardment in John's head and his eyes snapped open. When did he close them? He listened closely. He leaned around the corner just a little. He could see his brothers a bit away. Scott was angry, he could tell. Alan was confused and worried. Virgil was angry and worried while Gordon was just worried.

"John has not just lost it or is delirious", Gordon went on. "Dad _has _chosen us over him ever since mom died! I… I don't know if it was intentional, but it happened! All John wanted was for dad and us to realize it… to admit it. His methods were a bit extreme but… but maybe he thought it was his only way to get through to us! We are rash, all of us… except John. He just… he… he can look at things from different angles and can… he can keep his head in a way that none of us can. He always looks out for us and everyone else… and… and he thinks has always thought that he must do it for himself. Johnny looks out for us on missions but who looks out for him? When John _does _do something that would be normal for us we call him crazy, impulsive or… or thinks he's lost it or needs to prove something. Like when he set out to save O'Bannon that first time. Or when she forced his hand into rescue her and her station. You would have done both things and no one would have said anything but because it was John it was crazy, impulsive and abnormal! John is not like us! You know he isn't!" John felt the pain sore again. He was different… he was not one of them. "But he is one of us!"

Wait what? What had Gordon just said?

"He's just like us", Gordon went on. "He's human and he needs the same things we do! He needs to laugh, he needs to cry, he needs to be angry, he needs to scream, and shout and he needs us! We keep forgetting it! We… we treat John like a robot at times… we always have and… and if we don't change, we always will! We have all forgotten that he is just as human as anyone of us! That he means as much to us as we mean to him!"

"Oh yes we really do", Scott scoffed, voice dripping with sarcasm. "We mean the world to him."

"We do!" Gordon yelled. "Why else would he always eavesdrop when alone on Five? Why always checking in on us? Why always be there when we need him? Why does he always do everything he can to help? He always listens to us as well! He always helps… he… he's always there and… and now I realize we have not done the same. We have always taken John for granted… his needs and his feelings… as if he didn't matter as much. Dad… dad has done it too. I… I don't know if he has done it willingly but he has done it and… and he knows it and John knows it. John needs to… we need to show Johnny that we were wrong."

"But Gordon… what John did was wrong too", Alan spoke up. "I mean… stranding us here? I get it that he thought he had no other choice but still… it was dangerous… _is _dangerous."

"I… I know but… but I…" Gordon sounded close to tears. Was that John's fault? No… no! No he never meant to make his brothers cry! He never meant to upset them! He never meant… what didn't he mean? Everything was just so confusing and that constant buzzing in his ears was not helping! Why would he hurt his brothers? They didn't deserve it! Dad did… well kinda… or did he? No! No he did! He did! But did he… maybe John had misunderstood… no no no no! No he hadn't no! No he understood perfectly… no! Then there it was again. The pain! He gripped his head as pain soared through it.

"There is something else", Virgil's calm voice stated. "Something is… off."

"John's sanity", Scott said dryly.

"No", Virgil said sharply. "No I mean… if John _really _wanted to harm us or dad… why did he hug him?" Huh? John looked up. What?

"Why was he happy to see him?" Virgil went on. "When you two got onboard Johnny was happy to see you… to see dad. When we left to find Brains he was smiling, he was content and happy to have dad back. Then out of nowhere he crashes the systems and act all crazy. Something isn't right. There is more to this than Johnny hurting."

Was there more to this? John wasn't sure. He _had _been happy to see Scott and their dad entering the pod. He had been happy to hug their father… happy to see him. He had missed him, right? No! No no he had been relieved! He had been angry! He had not wanted to hug him! He had to, but just to fool everyone into thinking things were fine! No! No he's lying! He had been happy! No he hadn't! Yes he did! Stop it! He had been happy! He had hoped this would be a new start! He had been relieved! No that was a lie! He had been disgusted and he had been hurting! All the hurt Jeff caused him came back! It did not! It did! No! You're lying to yourself! Shut up! No! Shut up shut up shut up! No! SHUT UP! NO! John's head hurt more than ever and this time… this time he screamed.

"Johnny!" he heard behind him and twirled around. His brothers were staring at him and now all four of them looked worried. John looked at them. They were going to hurt him. He had to get away. They were going to tie him up and lock him away in a cell! They were going to send him away! He turned around and fled in pure terror.

"John!" his brothers shouted and took off after him. John didn't dare look back at them. He had to get away! He had to be somewhere else! He had to be somewhere safe! He had BANG! He scrambled headfirst into a solid door! John shook his head and turned around to run back and take another turn. BANG! The door behind him closed as well. He was trapped! This door however was see-through… reinforced glass. On the other side of the glass he saw his brothers. They were also locked in. John backed away from them and gripped his head again when pain shot through his brain.

"Johnny!" Virgil exclaimed worriedly. Scott and Alan were trying to get the doors open while Gordon and Virgil moved towards the glass blocking them from John. John tried to get as far away from them as he could. He gripped his taser tightly and held it in front of himself… it could protect him. It would keep them back! The intercom crackled to life and an evil laughter echoed all around the ship.

"Now, this turned out far better than I had thought", said the voice of the Hood.

* * *

**TBC**

**Thanks for all reviews! To my guest reviews:**

**No 1 (from chapter 2): Pietro? What are you talking about?**

**No 2 (from chapter 3): I'm happy you liked it! Hope you still do after this! **


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

"Hood!" Jeff yelled angrily. He and Brains could hear his voice as well. "You don't ever give up do you?" Jeff didn't get a reply and growled in anger.

"H-he probably c-can't hear you Mr. T-Tracy", Brains said. "You need to u-use the intercom a-as well."

Jeff nodded and got out of his seat again. He moved over to John's seat, figuring his middle son was responsible for communications. He found the command buttons and pressed them.

"Hood", he growled darkly. "You don't give up do you?" Silence met him for a little bit.

"Not really no", the Hood replied from wherever he was hiding. "Not when I have the opportunity to get what I want and at the same time ruin your life."

"How did you escape?"

"My newest ally let met out." At his words Scott and the others looked at John opposite them. John was only looking up at the speaker with eyes that looked void of any emotion. As if he was just dead inside. His hands hung limply. "I never thought his betrayal would take this form though."

"Shut up!" Gordon yelled, not caring if the Hood could hear him or not. "John did not betray us! You did something to him to make him do it!"

"I did not", the Hood said. "I never told him to strand you hear, to attack you or start spouting nonsense."

"You must have!"

"I cannot create anything out of nothing. What John told you is what he truly believes, what he truly feels and what he wants. I was actually not going to use him at first but then the opportunity presented itself. I was going to go for Scott but", the Hood shrugged, at least they guessed that was why he paused. "I never got the chance. I never got the opportunity to get one of you alone and then he just walked or rather floated by me. It was easy to take him without anyone noticing. I was sure I'd just gain a talented ally who could maybe replace Havoc… but this is so much better."

"He is not yours!" Virgil yelled, the Hood had obviously heard Gordon so he could not be too far off. "Whatever you have done to my brother you better reverse it Hood!"

"I am not reversing anything, not when I have finally gotten a useful ally. John… why don't we have some fun? That taser I gave you is very useful isn't it and you have a bunch of targets right there."

John did not reply, he just looked at the taser in his hand.

"There is a wall between us", he then mumbled.

"Ah true… true. What could you do from there to hurt them the most?"

"What?" John asked and looked at the speaker. "I-I don't want to hurt my brothers!"

"Oh but you do don't you? I mean your father chose _them_ over you didn't he? Time and time again. It has gone so far that no one recognizes you as a Tracy son. Remember when we met at that auction? I had no idea of who you were, no one did. Had it ben any of your brothers everyone would know. H boasts about his sons doesn't he? Doesn't your father boast about his sons?"

"Not me…"

"Oh yes I forgot. He's not proud of you is he?"

"He isn't."

"Johnny don't listen to him!" Gordon cut in and pressed his hands on the glass separating their brother from them. "Dad has obviously chosen us more than he has you but… but dad loves you! Deep down you know this!" John looked at him. "A-and even if he doesn't I sure as hell do! And Virgil too!"

"Of course", Virgil said and put a hand on Gordon's shoulder and tried to catch John's gaze. "Johnny we all love you. Dad is just really bad at showing it. It's just… and I am not defending him, it has always been hard for him because you-"

"Look just like mom", John spat and glared at them. "I am well aware of that! Why do you think I choose to stay away from you all so much? Why do you think I never really smile at you!? Why do you think I try to act emotionless and keep my cool all the time?! Because when I smile, when I don't keep my cool, when I am close… I see you look at me and I see you in pain! I see you hurt and I se you grieving! Just because I LOOK LIKE MOM!" He flung the taser at the glass, just by Gordon's hands and Gordon jumped back in surprise. "I'm not her! I didn't plan to LOOK like this!" He pointed at his face. "I never asked to look like her! I never asked to be a constant reminder of her! I never _ever _asked to go the hills that last time! Mom did and dad urged us on! It's not my fault she is gone and it's not my fault I look like her! I never asked for that! I never asked for this! I never asked to be born this way! I never asked to look like her!"

Suddenly a memory from their childhood hit Virgil full force, at the same time that it hit Scott as well. It had been about half a year after their mother had passed away. The two of them had been looking after their younger brothers and had lost John. He had been there one second and after Gordon… or as it Alan… never mind! One of them had sniffled when John had smiled and had said he looked just like their mom and that they missed her so much! John had fled. They had looked for him and had finally found him in the bathroom. John had been staring at himself in the mirror, tears leaking down his cheeks and a bottle of Virgil's black pain in his hand. It had been open and his hand had been black… as well as his hair. Scott had been furious at first and Virgil had been heartbroken. When they had asked why John had done that he had looked at them and wailed:

"I don't want to see her whenever I look in the mirror!" Scott had not been angry anymore and Virgil's heart had broken even more. Now the oldest brothers shared another look.

"John", Scott said softly and moved forward carefully. "We… we're sorry. We never meant to make you hate yourself."

"Shut. Up." Was John's seething reply.

"No because I need to say this. We… no I never meant to make you feel as if you couldn't be yourself around us… it is true that when you smile you look like mom but punishing you for it is not right. It's outright cruel. I never meant to do that I guess I just… I didn't know I was doing it. It's not fair and I'm sorry. Maybe… maybe that is why you think dad hates you, why you think he has neglected you."

"He has!"

"No… not really."

"Shut up Scott you don't understand anything!" John screamed. "You just defend dad like you always have and always will! Dad _hates _me!"

"You're wrong!"

"He chose you guys before me! He always have and he always will!"

"That's a lie and you know it!" Alan said and glared slightly at his brother. "Dad would never choose us over you now!"

"Oh yes he will", John spat. "He _always_ will!"

"Well then why don't we test that", the Hood's voice broke through the speaker again. John and his brothers looked at the speaker suspiciously.

"What do you mean", Scott growled.

"Jeff Tracy", the Hood said. "I know you can hear me. If you look at the ships blueprints you will find where your boys are." Jeff did as he was told, with Brains' help and gasped. "I am sure you have seen it now. You see your boys are trapped in the airlock between this marvelous ship and Thunderbird 5." Scott and Virgil realized it was true and realized they weren't shocked. John had run towards a place he knew he would be safe.

"As a matter of fact John is on the TB5 side", the Hood went on. "And if the door behind him opens he will be safe aboard Thunderbird 5. If the door behind the other boys open they will be safe aboard the Zero XL." Virgil felt his blood turn cold. "However Jeff Tracy… I can only open one of the doors. When I do the glass walls between the two sections will release and the people trapped on the other side will be blown into space." Silence ran through the ship.

"What", Alan whispered fearfully and felt Scott grip his shoulder.

"To put it simply Jeff Tracy", the Hood continued. "If you choose Scott, Virgil, Gordon and Alan the door behind them will open and let them into the safety of the Zero XL. However the door behind John will remain firmly shut and the glass removed sending him into space. Better put your helmet on John." John looked around for it. "Oh that's right you don't have one do you?"

"HOOD!" Virgil yelled and slammed on the glass with his fist.

"Hm… not a bad thing though is it? You will die much faster."

"Shut up!" Gordon yelled at him.

"However Jeff Tracy", the Hood continued. "If you choose John… the other four will be blasted into space and although they have helmets on their oxygen won't last that long. Besides… you would not be able to catch all four before they run out of oxygen. And if you want John to stay alive you will have to reconnect TB5 with the Zero XL and then the doors will open for John. If you don't wait… I will blow up Thunderbird 5 as well. So what will it be Jeff Tracy? Losing one son or losing all of them? You have five minutes to decide."

* * *

Five minutes? How could Jeff make a decision like that in just five minutes, correction how could he find a way around it in just five minutes? He pressed the intercom.

"Take me instead", he said.

"Dad no!" Scott called when he heard it.

"No", the Hood laughed. "You see Jeff, for you to suffer you need to be alive so the choice will remain. Will you choose your favorite sons… or will you choose John?" There was a strange crackling sound as the Hood broke the intercom. Jeff could no longer talk to him or his sons. He looked at the surveillance camera screen that Brains had managed to get up. He could see four of boys huddled together, probably talking strategy. His boys… he risked losing all five of them. He would lose all five if he did not decide. He turned his gaze to the lone figure, his middle son. John sat on the floor since there was apparently gravity in that small room. The Hood must have done that. John sat there with his knees pulled up and with a blank expression on his face. Oh John. Could Jeff sacrifice him to save the others? No! No he couldn't! H couldn't sacrifice any of them! He heard Brains typing away behind him, trying to hack into the systems and shut this whole thing down, to get all five boys to safety. Jeff looked at them again. They had all grown so much in eight years. Alan and Gordon were adults, well nearly. Scott had grown into a fine young man, as had Virgil and John. The only thing that had kept him alive out here was the wish to see and hold his boys again. To be there for them… and to see his mother. He could not just leave them, he had to get back to them. Now the boys got to him instead. He always knew they would. His precious little boys. They were worth everything. All his money and everything he owned. He would give it all up if it meant he could save his boys now. He looked at the screens in front of him. There had to be something he could! A solution to all this… but what.

"M-Mr. Tracy if I m-may make a suggestion", Brains said and Jeff turned to him.

"What is it Brains?" he asked.

"I h-have a plan."

Jeff blinked and then smiled. "I am all ears Brains."

* * *

"There must be something we can do", Gordon said. "Can we back hack the Hood?"

"We can't, Johnny probably can but he is on his side remember?" Alan said.

"Not willingly", Virgil growled. "You heard the Hood. He is using him."

"When did he get the opportunity to get John alone though?" Gordon asked.

"Probably when Five docked with us", Scott said. "John had to make sure everything was secure, locked in and connected properly. He was alone for that since we were all in the command center. He must have gotten his claws into him then."

"Oh so now you believe John is innocent", Gordon spat.

"Not fully innocent. You heard the Hood. You can't create something out of nothing, and he was surprised John did this. What John is feeling is probably all true, what he believes and think as well. Somehow the Hood got him to lose all sense and just react on it."

"But", Alan said and looked at Scott. "That means Johnny really believes dad hates him…"

"He does", Virgil said softly. "And I don't think that this situation will improve that."

"He must hate us as well", Gordon said.

"No", a soft voice said and they turned around and looked at John. He was sitting with his back against the doors leading to Thunderbird 5. His eyes were not so crazy, scared or sad anymore. They were strangely lethargic. He had one leg outstretched in front of him and one knee pulled up, one arm resting on it.

"John?" Scott asked.

"I never hated you", John replied. "I have never ever resented you. You were never aware of dad always putting you first. You never asked him to overlook me… you never asked for me to be forgotten."

"Johnny no", Virgil said and put his hands on the glass again. He wasn't exactly sure how they could hear John so clearly through the glass, but who was he to look a gifted horse in the mouth?

"Promise me something guys", he said and they looked at him. "After I'm dead, look after each other. Don't let what happened to me happen to you and… and when you get kids. Make sure you never turn out like that."

"Johnny you're not gonna die", Scott said firmly and John smiled a sad little smile at him. "John!"

"We all know dad will choose you", he said. "It makes the most sense. Why save one son when he could save four? Why choose the one he wants dead over the ones he wants alive?"

"Dad doesn't want you dead Johnny", Virgil said and noticed the anger creep back into John's face. But he was not going to let him interrupt. "At least not anymore." All brothers looked at him now. "I am absolutely sure you heard what you heard back then. Dad as drunk and his darkest thoughts came out. He missed mom… he wanted her back. He told you he wished you had died and she had lived… but… he has forgotten he said it. You save how upset he got when he remembered it Johnny. How it broke his heart that he hurt you so badly."

"Liar", John growled.

"No Johnny… I'm not lying. You know I'm not. Deep down you know I am not lying to you. Dad wished that once, but not anymore. The two of you need to sit down and talk when all of this is over. I am sure dad never meant to neglect you the way he has, I am sure dad never meant to hurt you but he did. That said… you should have said something kiddo. If not to dad or grandma you should have told me and Scott. However… we know you Johnny. You bottle things up until you explode and this… this has been a long time coming has it not?"

"You're wrong Virgil! Dad he… he hates me!"

"If he does… then why did he hug you today? Why did he smile at you and Alan? Why did he try to make sure you didn't get hurt when you were screaming at us? Why did he rush to your side when Max was squishing you? Why is he doing his best to get us all out of this mess?" John had been glaring at the floor, but now he lifted his dark gaze. His face filled with anger once again.

"Because you four were there", he spat. "He can't look cruel and mean in front of all of you now can he? He has always been the great father figure in your lives hasn't he? He could not destroy that image!"

"You are impossible!" Scott yelled. "You know that's not true!"

"It is!"

"No Johnny it truly isn't. You know that. You… you are smarter than thinking what you just said is true. You might feel as if it is… but you _know _it isn't."

"No it… it is!" John pulled his knees up to his chest. "It isn't… no it… I… he did…"

"Johnny please", Scott said softly. "Whatever the Hood is telling you… you _know _that isn't true."

"He's not telling me anything! He… he knows it too! He knows what dad did and… and… and he knows it's true! It is true! No no it has to be. I can't be wrong! I'm never wrong! It… it has too… it AAAAH!" his gripped his head tightly as his body started convulsing.

"John!" his brothers called in fright. They could see little sparks around John's head. John was not aware of this. He was in so much _pain_. His head felt as if it was about to explode. Happy memories between him of his father kept mixing with bad ones. His reasonable side was trying to make him calm down and be rational while his emotional side was running haywire. It hurt so much! It felt as if someone was pressing a burning axe between his eyes, crushing his brain and skull. He could hear his brothers shout his name but he ignored them. It hurt. It hurt so badly! Make it stop! Please just make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!

"Johnny!" Alan screamed in fright after John let out another painful scream. "Johnny hold on! We're gonna get you!" the brothers were looking for a way inside.

"Can't we contact EOS?" Gordon asked. "She could open the doors and John could get inside and he would be safe?"

"EOS is on Tracy Island", Scott replied and his brothers stared at him. "I asked John to ask her to look after everything there and to help the GDF. They think it's John helping them."

"You told her to use the John hologram she used when she tried to kill him?"

"Yes… right now I regret it though. It would have been better if she was here with us." The brothers all nodded.

"Since we can hear him it must mean there is a crack somewhere that the sound can pass through", Alan said. "This glass is supposed to be sound proof!" He felt along the glass. "I-if we find it we can break it and probably get John to us!"

"No…" a strained voice said and they looked at John.

"Johnny you okay", Scott asked and John shook his head. "Don't worry little bro we'll get you out."

"No."

"What do you mean no?!"

"If you do the Hood will fling us all into space… better just me…"

"Better no one!" Gordon shouted and kicked at the glass.

"No helmet…"

"John please don't give up", Virgil said and watched Gordon kick the glass again. "We'll work through this."

"John can you hack into the systems from here?" Scott asked.

"No."

"Can't or won't?" he got no reply. "John!"

"Can't… already tried. I'm sorry. This is my fault."

"Johnny come here", Virgil said and they all looked at him. "Come." He pressed his hand to the glass and John carefully got up. They could se he was in pain. His movements were sluggish and slow. He did however get to the glass and put his palm against Virgil's.

"Johnny we love you", Virgil said firmly. "Never forget that and… and when dad comes for you… come get us okay?"

"Dad will not come for me… he'll come for you. It is the most logical choice."

"No it isn't". Virgil said. "You are. Dad will choose you and then the two of you can rescue us. But that will only be possible if you work together. What I am going to ask you now will be difficult but please… you _must _do it. Put your anger and hurt aside okay? Right now you and dad will need to work together. Don't do it for dad. Do it for us okay?"

"Virgil what do you mean?" John asked as the others came closer. "Dad will never choose me. He never has in the past and what would make him start now?"

"Because I am sure Brains has a plan to save all of us and you are part of that. If we were in your shoes right now we would not be able to do anything… you on the other hand will because Johnny… because you are you and the things you can do… we can't ever dream of being able to."

"I don't… I don't understand."

"You don't need too yet. Just know that we love you. Always have and always will."

"Virgil?" they heard the alarm starting to blare and then a door opened.

"Run!" Jeff's voice shouted over the intercom. "Run!"

* * *

**TBC**

**Thanks for all reviews! **


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

"Run John", Virgil shouted at him. Something in John told him to stay put, ordered him to stay put. If he did it would all be over. If he did he would not have to hurt anymore. He would not have to suffer. All the pain and feeling of being forgotten, being hated… it would all go away. The pain he was feeling, the regrets, the hurt, the confusion and the sadness… the anger. It would all be gone. Snuffed out like a candle in too harsh winds. He could be free. Free of it all. He could sleep… peacefully. Free from all the hurt and regret he had felt for so many years. Free of the longing. However he was not sure what he was longing for. To sleep? No… to be free? No… To be cured? But cured of what? What was it he wanted to be cured of? What was it he wanted to forget? He wanted to be left alone… but from who? Or what? No this was just so confusing.

"RUN JOHNNY!" Virgil shouted and John jolted. He realized that his brothers were looking at him in panic. The glass was about to fall! John got up and scrambled backwards into the safety of Thunderbird 5. He pulled on the lever that would close the airlock during emergencies. The last thing he saw before they closed were his brothers all smiling at him as the glass was removed. For a second John just blinked then a agonized scream escaped him and he flung himself against the door and hit on it with his fists. He kept slamming them into the door. This was not supposed to happen! His brothers were not meant to get hurt or end up in danger! They were meant to hear his side! They were meant to find out the truth about their father. They were meant to finally understand him! They were not meant to be taken from him! He could feel Thunderbird 5 disconnect from the Zero XL. He screamed again. This was not supposed to happen! His brothers were not supposed to end up lost in space! Not his brothers!

"What difference does it make", a cold voice spoke inside his head. "They never believed you anyway."

"Shut up", John growled at the voice.

"Why? Are you too afraid to hear the truth? Too afraid to face it? With them gone your father can finally focus all his attention on _you_. Isn't that what you always wanted?"

"No!" John yelled angrily and balled his hands into fists. "I… I wanted them to know. I… I wanted them to understand! I wanted him to confess!"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Then why did you run?"

"Because they were going to hurt me!"

"Who?"

"My brothers! They were trying to hurt me along with Brains and Max! They were trying to hurt me! Dad did nothing to stop them!" Wait… that wasn't true. His father had tried to stop it… to stop the pain.

"Admit it", the voice said. "You ran to get them away from him, to get them into a position where your father would pick _you _for a change. You resent your brothers."

"I do not!"

"Oh really?"

"I've never resented them! They mean everything to me!"

"Are you sure… tell me what is Scott to you?"

Scott? That was a strange question. What was Scott to him? His oldest brother. That was the short reply. Scott was his oldest brother, the eldest. The firstborn. Their father's pride and joy. Scott could do no wrong in the eyes of their father. The perfect son. Strong, athletic, brave, charming, outgoing… the perfect son. But Scott had flaws. He was rash, quick to anger and loyal to a fault. Scott was an idiot. No… no that was not true. Scott had idiotic moments, everyone does, but he was not an idiot. If anything he was a warrior. He always stood up for what he believed in, no matter what it was or who he faced. He stuck to his ideals and did what he could to protect and take care of his family. Scott was a guardian.

"He is my guardian", John growled at the voice.

"Ha!" the voice laughed. "As if! He really looks out for you!"

"He does!" John growled. "Like… like when EOS locked me out! He was the one to realize it wasn't me!"

"After Penelope clued him in on it!"

"He saved me when the hotel fell!"

"Because Kayo called him there."

"He's not omnipotent! He had no idea of knowing! He tried to make sure I didn't get myself killed when Ridley tricked me into saving her station!"

"He was trying to tell you that you couldn't do it."

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Don't talk about my brother that way! You are wrong! Scott is not like that! He taught me to fly! He protected me against bullies at school! He didn't protect me because he needed to! He did it because he wanted to!"

"Fine Scott is a guardian who has this crazy need to protect people and to save them! What about Virgil?"

"Virgil?"

"What is Virgil to you?"

What was Virgil to him? Like Scott he was a guardian, staying in the background and protecting him silently. Keeping a watchful eye on him. "_Thunderbird 5 I need you now_". That's what Virgil had said. Whenever John needed to send someone out, someone to get things done properly and with a cool head… someone that he knew he could work with flawlessly he sent out Virgil. Virgil was calm… safe… strong… clearheaded. A rock. He was John's rock. He could always count on Virgil to pull through. He could always rely on Virgil to be there for anyone and to help keep them on their feet when they needed… Virgil helped carrying him, helped carrying them all. John smiled.

"Virgil is my rock", he said.

"You rock?" the voice mocked. "Not a really strong one! He missed you hurting!"

"Because I hid it so well!"

"He didn't go looking."

"I didn't ask him to!"

"He should have known."

"I hid it!"

"He should have known."

"He's not omnipotent! How could he have noticed!? I made sure he saw everyone else and not me! Virgil is my rock! My safe foundation! Scott and Virgil are the dynamic duo but I never have to worry as much when Virgil is on the job because I know he will listen to reason! Virgil is my rock and my safe haven!" he was bombarded with memories of Virgil hugging him… when was the last time he had gotten a real Virgil bearhug? Too long ago.

"Fine Virgil is your rock but what about Gordon, what is he to you?"

Gordon? What was Gordon to him? The easy answer would be a little terror. His constant pranks and bad jokes could frustrate anyone! But… did they? Did they really frustrate him? No… no they picked him up when nothing else could. He could laugh to those bad jokes, funny comments and kindhearted mishaps. Gordon tried to please, tried to help… tried to be there for people. In any way he could. Sometimes a bad joke was just what John needed to lessen the stress or calm him down. People thought Gordon was stupid. He wasn't stupid. Did he think everything through? No… no but his intuition was sometimes scary. Like when the Hadron Collider needed to be stopped and Gordon just knew blowing it up would work. Or when he brought all that equipment to the tomb of the laughing king. Gordon just… _always_ felt what needed to be done. He also always knew how to lift the mood. Always had. He had always been a ray of sunshine in their lives. John smiled.

"He's my sunshine", he said with conviction.

"Sunshine, really?" the voice mocked.

"Oh what do you know?" John spat.

"Everything about you."

"As if."

"You think Gordon causes more trouble than he is worth, that he is an idiot with the worse judgment you know!"

"That's _not _true!" John yelled angrily and glared at the door in front of him. "Sure Gordy is rash and often acts before he thinks but he is… he is my sunshine. He lightens the darkest of moods, he always wants to find a solution and always wants to help! He is not bound by inside-the-box-thinking! He is flexible, impulsive and openminded! He thinks outside the box and he is just a ray of hope and sunshine! He made it back from that hydrofoil accident! He didn't even let his recent brush with death and danger slow him down! He is one of the strongest people I know and one of the bravest! He's my sunshine! Just like in that old song! He makes me happy when skies are grey!"

"Whatever… what about Alan then?"

"Alan?"

"Yes. What is Alan to you?"

"Alan… Alan is… he is…"

"He's what?"

John was silent for what felt like an eternity while looking at his toes. Then he lifted his gaze and balled his hands into fists again.

"Alan is my star", he said with conviction. "He's my hope, my dreams, my promise, my faith, my conviction, my savior, my backup, my protégé, my student… my fan and my ally. I can always count on him when it matters. Is he a bit immature? Yes. Is he a bit naïve? Yes. But he is young. He holds the promise of a bright future. Am I a little jealous of his talents and natural skill? Yes. A little. But I know that no matter how great he will become he will always be my little brother and will always turn to me for guidance. Scott is my eyes and ears on the ground, my judgment. Virgil is the solider I send out to save the world. Gordon is my secret weapon and Alan is my ace. If they were playing cards Scott would be the king, Virgil would be the jack… or knave depending on what you want to call it, Gordon is the joker because he can be anything I need him to and Alan is the ace. Alan is my ace, my last resort and my most powerful. My beast choice and my advantage."

"You have _so _much faith in your brothers while they have none in you."

"Maybe so but it doesn't matter to me. I believe in them. I trust them and I know that when I send them out… the world is in safe hands."

"You are lying to yourself."

"Oh and what do you know about it", John spat.

"Everything."

"As if!"

"I do. You think Scott is a rash idiot who shows no regards for his own safety and the safety of your other brothers. A danger to you all and to himself. You think Virgil can't see the whole picture, a dreamer… a pacifist with no ounce of realism in his body. You think Gordon is a fool who can't take anything serious and you think Alan is a naïve child who has no idea of what it means to truly suffer or work hard. He gets everything handed to him. Everything. You say you trust them? You don't. You are just fooling yourself."

"You lie."

"No _I _speak the truth. I know you."

"How?"

"Because I am you."

John's eyes widened and he twirled around. Behind him, floating in zero g, was himself. John blinked while staring at himself. Th reflection hanging there even had the same wounds he had, the same clothes, the same tussled hair, the same face… however the eyes… they were so _angry_. So cold. So filled with malice. So… so _evil_. John swallowed and stared at himself. Was this true? Was this really who he was? A… a cold individual with the world at his fingertips? John had control of any system from Thunderbird 5. He could do whatever he wanted and no one could stop him! No one would even know it was him! Just… just like his family hadn't seen it coming! They had not seen his attack coming! He had not seen it himself so how could they have?

"Surprised?" the cold him asked. "You know I'm right. I'm you. I'm the part of you that you have always denied… have always pushed aside. I'm your _true _feelings. Your true _desires_. No one knows you like I do. Not your brothers, not your father, not your friends, not your grandmother… no one. Not even that pathetic brat that helps you!"

"Pathetic brat?"

"Oh she can't help you now. No one can. Only you. You are free now aren't you? Your 'bird has left the cage that traps it. Take your 'bird and leave everything behind. Nothing can save your brothers now anyway. Your father will blame you. They all will. You ran. You got trapped. You forced the choice… your father had to choose you and lose the others. They are doomed and there is no one who can save them." John hung with his head. It was true. No one could save their brothers. "And deep down… you don't want to save them because you recent your brothers. You _hate _them. It was always them against you wasn't it? Always them and not you. They said they love you, well Virgil said he loves you, but it was just a lie… all of it is lies. All of it. They didn't truly believe you, why should they though when you refuse to face the truth yourself. You refuse to see who you are… _what _you are. You are wasting your potential. You're wasting it all. You could be so much more! So much better. So. Much. Greater." Th airlock of Thunderbird 5 became quiet. The silence went on for so long John's other self grew irritated.

"Say something!" it yelled.

"You're wrong", John whispered.

"What!?"

"You're wrong", John said and looked up. "You say I am wasting my potential but that is not true! It's I who hear the voices crying out for help! It is I who send out the rescuers! It is I that can control the world from here but refuses to! It is I who see and hear everything! It is I who makes the hard decisions. It is I who are in control. It is _I_ who sees what needs to be done…" his eyes narrowed. "And I will not let a liar like you stop me from doing what I do best. Saving people!" With that he gripped the taser and rammed it against the neck of his other self and pressed the button. His other self screamed. It was his voice that echoed around Thunderbird 5… until it wasn't. In front of John's eyes his own face changed. From his own, to Brains, to a GDF soldier… to the Hood. John pulled the taser back, balled his hand into a fist and rammed it into the Hood's face. The Hood's head collided with the wall of the airlock and John glared at him when he lost consciousness. He looked to the side and saw his spare helmet. He strapped it on and grabbed a rope from the nearby supply closet. He tied the Hood up tightly and then headed for the space pod. He hit the communicator on his chest.

"Zero XL from Thunderbird 5", he said, his vice strong and filled with determination, a determination to save his brothers. "We have a situation."

* * *

**TBC**

**Wow thanks for all reviews! It makes me so happy! I know not much happened in this chapter but I felt I needed to do this.**


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

John moved over to the control hub of his beloved Thunderbird. He chanced a look at the Hood, still out cold and tied up. John nodded and started typing. He blinked, he'd done all this damage to the systems? He sighed. Well first things first, getting all communications back up and running. It was not too difficult, after all John had never planned to strand them out here forever. Just long enough to realize what a horrible father the great Jefferson Tracy really was. John bit his lips and squeezed his eyes shut. No, not thinking of father no… thinking of brothers. Thinking of them. Focus! He shook his head to clear it, despite the dull aching at both of his temples. He pushed it aside for now. His brothers were priority one. He typed in the final line of code and pressed the button.

"Thunderbird 5 to Virgil, do you copy?" he asked. He was only met with static. No… no he could not have been too late! "Virgil do you copy?"

"John?" Virgil's deep voice asked, a little shocked. "Is that you?"

"Sure is big brother", John said and started typing again. He needed to get control over the space elevator and pods. "You good?"

"For the moment", Virgil replied. "I managed to snag Alan on the way out but lost track of Gordon and Scott. We've been spinning out of control for a while." Oh so that was why his voice sounded so… tight. At least to John's ears. He was used to hearing and seeing his brothers in all sorts of situations. No one else would be able to tell.

"Have you been able to stop or slow down?" he asked.

"Not really no…"

"Okay big brother, do you or Alan have anything that could boost your speed?"

"Why would we want that!?" Alan cried angrily.

"Alan you need to compensate for the speed you gained from… from being blown out of the airlock. If you are spinning to the left you need something that can spin you to the right and… and give you more control."

"Sorry Johnny… no jets", Virgil said.

"Any other gear?"

"Well we have some of the grappling lines."

"Great… anything nearby to grab onto?"

"Not sure."

John looked at his screen and the two dots representing Virgil and Alan. He saw a few space rocks close to their location. They could probably use them. However… with them spinning Virgil would not know where to aim. What could John do? If he could get Thunderbird 1 disconnected as well things would be so much easier. However he was not about to leave Thunderbird 5. He had not regained full control of all systems yet. Wait… Virgil had a control pad on his arm to remotely control Thunderbird 2! If John could get into the frequency… He started typing.

"John? Johnny can you hear us?" Virgil asked.

"Sorry Virgil I'm still here", John soothed while he typed. "Virg I need you to do something for me."

"Okay what?"

"Grab a hold of your grapple gun with your left hand, reach your arm out." John waited.

"FAB", Virgil said and did as ordered. "Now what?"

"Sorry." John said.

"Huh? John what do yo-OW!"

"Sorry!" John said again but watched the screen. He saw the small line leaving the dot that was Virgil and Alan and latch onto a nearby space rock. "Don't let go Virgil!" Virgil was not sure what John meant but he held on. Soon, with a painful jolt his and Alan's hasty space trip came to a halt. Virgil nearly dropped the grapple and Alan but managed to regain his grip on both. Space stopped spinning around and he lifted his gaze. The grapple was connected to a space rock.

"Atta boy Johnny", he whispered and looked at Alan. Alan looked really dizzy and was clearly trying to get his bearings back.

"Virgil?" he heard John's voice call. "Virg can you hear me!?"

"I'm here Johnny", Virgil groaned and started pulling the cable in so that he and Alan slowly approached the meteorite. "What did you do?"

"I um… made the control panel on your arm chock you so that your muscles would spasm and you'd fire the grapple…" Virgil gaped. "Um… sorry."

"Little brother… you are the best." Utter silence met him. "John? Johnny?"

"How's Alan", John cut in.

"A bit dizzy but okay."

"Oxygen levels?"

"We're good for 15 minutes", Alan said. "Like you were…"

"Sit tight guys, I'll get you as soon as I've found Gordon and Scott."

"FAB John we'll be waiting." Virgil said and looked at Alan. Alan looked back at him. "Johnny will come."

"Are you sure?" Alan asked.

"Hey, why are you doubting him?"

"He hasn't exactly been himself now has he?"

"True but you heard his voice. It's his on-the-job voice. Whatever the Hood did is not working at the moment. Johnny is in full control."

"For how long thought?"

Virgil was not going to answer that.

* * *

Moving to their right and a couple of hundred meters away Gordon was watching the Zero XL and Thunderbird 5 growing smaller and smaller by the second. Gordon hated space. On land, in the air and in the water he could be in full control but out here there was nothing he could do to stop himself or get back to his original position. Gordon was scared. What if they forgot about him? What if they didn't get to him on time?"

"Gordon."

What if he would drift through space until he lost all oxygen?

"Gordon."

What if he hit a meteorite at this speed? He'd go splat! Just like a bug hitting a windshield!

"Gordon!"

What if they got him, but too late? What would happen to the family? What would grandma say? What if-

"GORDY!"

"What!?" he yelled in reply and then blinked in realization. "Johnny!? You got the coms back up?"

"Of course I did, just had to undo some of my creative disruptions", John replied and just by the tone of his voice Gordon relaxed. John was sounding the way he always did when they were on a job, calm and in full control of everything. Just like always. John was always so calm and collected and Gordon always felt much calmer when he knew he had John in his ear and just a call away.

"Any creative way to stop me moving?" Gordon asked.

"That would be a first", John replied dryly.

"I know I know but this time I will allow it… you okay?" Silence met him and he panicked a little. "Johnny?"

"I should be asking you that", John replied and Gordon could hear the shame in his voice. "This is my fault."

"No! No hey hey no blaming yourself for what others did."

"I started it."

"Well you are finishing it."

"You wouldn't be there if it wasn't for me Gordon."

"Hey! The Hood made you do it."

"Not really… remember what he said? He can't make something out of nothing. The feelings have always been there."

"He just blew them out of proportion somehow Johnny", Gordon soothed. "You never meant to chuck us out into space…" he thought for a moment. "Come to think of it, what were you meant to do?"

"I just wanted you all to see the truth", John replied. "I wanted you all to see what I had been hiding… and what you had been missing."

"About dad?"

"About our family. I always act as if nothing bothers me, I've done so my whole life… to not look weak."

"You're far from weak Johnny."

"My brain knows that… not my soul. Compared to you four I'm just a glorified answering machine."

"Oi! No degrading yourself on the job! May I remind you who pulled of… and I quote: 'the slickest maneuver anyone's ever seen'? May I remind you who busted a crime ring from orbit? May I remind you who out of the goodness of his heart acted tugboat captain to save an idiot? May I remind you that we would not be half as successful in what we do if we didn't have a certain someone keeping an eye on things and dishing out information left and right while keeping track of a hundred different things at the same time? John, the guys and I may be the ones to do most of the heavy lifting, but it is you who are on top of things. Yours is the first voice the people in need hears. You are their first sign of hope. You are the voice calming everything and everyone down! You are the one sending us out."

"That's Scott."

"No, Scott just assess what will be needed and gives us the 'okay go' but it's you who send us out! You set the wheels in motion, you stay with it while they move and you check up on everything when the wheels have stopped!"

"If you say so."

"I do and to use terms that you understand… International Rescue is a real-time-strategy game, RTS, and you, as the player, position and maneuver units and structures under your control to secure areas of the map and or destroy their opponents' assets… okay scratch that last part. Look you as well as I know that in typical real-time strategy games the screen is divided into a map area displaying the game world and terrain, units, and buildings, and an interface overlay containing command and production controls and often a "radar" or "minimap" overview of the entire map. That's what you got on 5! You have the map, the units – that's us – and you can pull up minimaps from all over the world at a button click! You have an isometric perspective of the world, or a free-roaming camera from an aerial viewpoint if you wish. You are the overlord sending your units out to complete tasks while you keep an eye on them and supply them with what they need or send backup! Johnny… it's all possible because of you." Only silence met him. "Johnny… you there?"

"Hold on", was his only reply.

"What, you need to look up what I just said? I thought you were the gaming world champion!"

"No I really mean hold on."

"What?" Gordon asked and then felt something latch onto him. "AH! Aliens!" He tried to get loose but soon realized what it was that had grabbed him. One of Thunderbird 5's space probes. The probe activated its small engine and brought Gordon to a halt.

"Thanks John", Gordon said happily. "Now will you get me back?"

"I'll start, might have to come get you."

"Hey hands on experience for once!"

"Very funny."

"I think I am hilarious." Gordon said smugly. "Wait… did you keep me talking to calm me down?"

"Isn't that what you just said part of my job is?" John asked cheekily. "Hang tight Gordy, I'll be with you shortly."

"FAB John."

* * *

Scott had managed to slow his trip through space and was slowly making his way forward. He kept using small bursts of his jet to steer and move himself forwards. He had to save up some of the power to make it back to the Zero XL. He had tried to reach for Gordon when they were flung out but had lost his grip on him. When the world… sorry when space kept turning upside down all the time he lost his bearings and now he had no idea where anyone was. He could make out what he figured was the Zero XL in the distance but it was so far away. He wasn't sure he would even reach it before he ran out of air… He was scared, he'd admit it. He didn't want to die and he was going to do everything he could to keep it from happening! Brains would work out a way to get them and if he couldn't John would… Scott's thoughts halted. John would do what exactly? Would he do anything? Run?

No… no John had said he resented their father only. But John wasn't himself right now… partly because of the Hood and partly because of John himself. Scott sighed. How could he have missed the pain his brother was in? The image of John's sad smiled just before their father made the choice would haunt him for a long time. His brother had given up on their father. He had been sure he would die and his brothers would live on. How many times had John felt like that? How could Scott have missed it?

He was not feeling angry at John anymore, only guilty. How could Scott have missed that his younger brother was hurting? How could he not have believed him!? Scott knew why… it was because he was loyal to their father, loyal to a fault. True Jeff had had a few harsh years just after the death of their mother but then… then he got himself back together. Could that have been after he told John he wanted him dead? Scott sighed and thought back to what he had been thinking about earlier. Jeff had never sat beside John's bedside because John was never really sick when they were kids, that time he fell off the roof he had been up and about before Jeff got home. Jeff had zero interest in volleyball, gymnastics or chess so he had never offered to bring John to those events and Scott had only gone with John once. The smile he'd seen on John's face at the time had made Scott feel like the best brother ever for quit a few days. The way John's eyes had lit up that time was one of the best things Scott had ever seen. He had gotten a repeat of it the day he taught John how to fly a plane! The feeling of pride Scott had felt was too awesome for words. Wait… _he _had taught John. There father had not… he had not even shown any interest. Come to think of it Jeff never took any interest in John or his activities. Scott still felt that massive bang of guilt knowing that their father chose to come visit him, something he could do anytime, instead of going to John's graduation… and then let John lie about it. But there had to be a reason for it! Scott knew their father loved them all, he did! He loved John too, he must do. There must have been some reason for Jeff shunning John like that.

_"I never asked to look like her!"_

That's what John had yelled at them. Scott knew he and Virgil had made the connection earlier, but now drifting alone in space it was easier for Scott to think. It made so much sense. Jeff distanced himself from John because of one simple thing… John looked like their mom… was like their mom. Their mom had also been brilliant, like John and on top of everything… just like John. John's personality was like hers as well. Putting everyone else first, caring about himself second. Scott looked at the stars above and sighed. Jeff must have distanced himself to spare himself the pain… John had noticed and had done the same to all of them. He knew he looked at her and made sure to stay away to spare them the pain. He'd said so himself!

"Oh Johnny", Scott whispered. "It's not right… it's not right at all."

"Well at least you know you're going the wrong way", a voice said and he looked around, but saw no one. He felt like slapping himself and looked at his communicator.

"John you got the coms working?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah… wasn't so hard since I was the one to wreck them."

"We still need to have a talk about that when we get back."

"Yeah… I have a lock on your position. How is your oxygen levels?"

"Seven minutes."

"Okay. If you turn 43 degrees to your right and start heading that way you'll run into Gordon."

"I'm almost out of fuel…"

"Okay then just grab on."

"Grab on? To where?"

"Behind you."

Scott turned and grinned when he saw what was coming towards him. It was the space elevator pod! The same Brains had used to get to project Sentinel! It slowed down enough for Scott to grab on as it passed him. Scott clung on and smiled in relief as it opened. He got inside and blinked. It was empty.

"John", he said. "Where are you?"

"Getting Alan and Virgil", John replied as he flew through space in the Exo suit. "Do me a favor and get Gordon on your way." John typed in something on his suit. "Sending co-ordinates now."

"Thanks John", Scott said and looked at the screen. "Space pod is Go!" He hit the throttle.

* * *

John approaching them in that yellow suit was one of the best things Virgil had seen in a long time. John effortlessly glided around some smaller meteors in the Cloud and soon came to rest near them. He looked a little better Virgil noticed, but the smile he gave them was tight, unsure… ashamed.

"You boys okay?" he asked.

"Oh you know", Virgil said with a shrug. "Just enjoying the view." Alan stared between his brothers and John laughed. Alan grinned, so that was what Virgil wanted. Some of the tension gone. Well two could play that game. Then John held his hands out to them.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Awwww", Alan mock-whined. "And we didn't even get to take a picture!" Virgil snorted and John smiled, a real smile. His_ real_ smile. Alan had to bite back a small gasp because John once again looked just like their mother. John noticed and the smile fell a little. Virgil noticed as well and gripped John's arm firmly.

"Johnny… get us out of here please?" he asked. "I've had enough of space for a while."

"FAB", John said and Alan gripped his other arm. John turned around and started heading for their ship. Alan and Virgil were amazed at how much his skill with the suit had improved. He maneuvered past space rocks with ease. He even kept an eye on rocks coming from behind, above or below them. It didn't take him long to get them back to Thunderbird 5… and without incident! That never happened on any rescue. There was just always something that threw the family for a loop. Virgil and Alan got into the airlock and not long after them Scott and Gordon also entered. Gordon was still holding the space probe in his arms. Alan looked at him and then Gordon. Gordon grinned.

"This is my new best friend!" he declared happily. The brothers looked at each other and smiled. Then the last door opened and John, without Exopod came gliding in. When he saw them his eyes widened a little and he averted his gaze.

"H-hey", he said. It was silent for just a little bit and then Virgil dove at his brother and enveloped him in a bear hug. Gordon as soon to follow, releasing his new "best friend" as he did so. Alan followed and lastly Scott wrapped his long arms around his brothers. John looked up and met Virgil's gaze. Virgil grinned.

"I knew you could do it Johnny", he said gently.

"I had to", John whispered. "My brothers were in danger."

"And as usually you were on top of things", Gordon said happily. "You know what we talked about earlier?"

"Yeah?"

"I have a better comparison!"

"Oh really, this I _must _hear."

"It's like that _really _old game grandma likes! Dockemons!"

"You mean Pokémon", Alan said.

"Exactly! Anyway what is that thing she yelled at us when we were kids and she was giving us cleaning jobs?"

"I choose you?" Scott asked. He could still hear his grandmother's voice.

_"For window cleaner… Scott I choose you!"_

"Yeah exactly!" Gordon said excitedly. "That's you Johnny! You are the trainer and we are your Pocketrons!"

"Pokémon!" Alan said outraged.

"That's what I said!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did-"

Alan was cut off mid-sentence by a sound that no longer sent chills down his spine… or the spines of his brothers. John was laughing. But this was not his manic laughter from earlier or the broken laughter either. This was his _real _laughter. Filled with mirth and it was infective. Soon Scott and Virgil were laughing as well. Gordon and Alan looked at each other, shrugged and joined in. They had their brother back! Suddenly the coms crackled to life.

"Z-zero XL to Thunderbird F-five", Brains said. "Begin d-docking maneuvers."

"FAB Brains", John replied, all business and squirmed out of the group hug. He headed for the controls with his brothers behind him. They watched him work his magic as he easily docked TB5 with the Zero XL. "Docking complete… all Thunderbirds are locked in." Scott put a hand on John's shoulder.

"Let's go home little brother", he said. "Let's go home."

* * *

**TBC**

**Wow thanks for all reviews! It makes me so happy! Sorry for the wait, I had to figure out how John would rescue them and who would be where. I also guess that Grandma must have been a kid during one of the Pokémon hypes. Not sure which one though. She might've been born around the year I was and that means she was with it from the start. Anyway enough babbling!**

**Thanks for all favs and follows as well :) **


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

The boys all waited for the airlock to open before they floated through. Scott and Virgil dragged the Hood behind them while Alan and Gordon floated in front of them. John brought up the rear, he had told them he wanted to make sure all the Thunderbirds were properly locked into the systems. The brothers however were not going to just leave him on his lonesome so they waited for him to be finished and then they returned to the cockpit of the Zero XL. When the doors opened they were met by Brains and their father. Jeff smiled at them and brought Alan and Gordon into a firm hug before looking at Scott and Virgil, making sure they were okay.

"I'm so happy to see that you are all okay boys", he said and smiled. "That rescue was impressive."

"Tell that to John dad", Virgil said. "_We _didn't do anything."

"Yeah!" Gordon said. "It was all Johnny!"

Jeff looked at his middle son and smiled softly. John did not meet his gaze. He was looking away, at one of the screens. Jeff noticed John's hands tremble slightly. Jeff let go of Alan and Gordon and moved closer to John, who still refused to look at him.

"John", he said gently.

"What", John replied with his voice void of emotion.

"You… you did good out there. That was a very impressive and efficient rescue."

"If you say so", John said and the brothers wondered why he was suddenly so standoffish.

"John", Jeff said gently, but did not reach out. "I am… I…"

"You're what", John spat. "Sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it old man!" He turned to glare at his father and the brothers stared at him. His eyes were burning with hatred again.

"Still, I am sorry", Jeff replied. "I am very sorry."

"Sorry", John asked and then started laughing again. That same horrible manic laughter. Virgil looked at those disks attached to John's temples.

"Fuck", he said and the others looked at him. "The command the Hood used is still active!" Virgil dropped the Hood and launched himself at John. John however had no plans of letting anyone touch him. He kicked out and hit Virgil in the stomach. Virgil was sent backwards into Gordon and Alan.

"Sorry!?" John yelled at their father. "That's all you can say!? Sorry!?"

"Yes", Jeff said calmly. "Because no matter what I say to you son it will never be enough to make up for how I have treated you."

"Oh and how is that", John spat, not noticing Brains creeping around behind him.

"Horrible", Jeff said. "There was the longest time I could not even stand to look at you because everything about you reminded me of my Lucy. Whenever I saw you I missed her more and when I drank… the anger slipped out."

"You wanted me dead!"

"Yes in a way I did", Jeff replied and sighed heavily. "I wished that your mother had been here with us instead of you. However I realize that I would have lost everyone if she had been. Your mother loved you boys more than anything in this world."

"Which is more than you can say about you!"

"I will not deny that because you are telling the truth Johnny."

"Don't call me that! I hate it when people call me that!"

"Because that is what your mother called you… the mother you both love and resent."

"I do not!" John yelled and looked ready to pummel his father. Scott let go of the Hood and moved forward to intercept John, but a look from Jeff held him back.

"You do", Jeff said. "Because you blame her for leaving us, if she had been alive as well everything would have been fine. I would not have acted as if I didn't care and I would never have wished your roles exchanged. And… you blame her for the fact that you look like her. You take after her so much… and that is why you recent her. You think that if you didn't look like her I would have acted differently. You think most of this… is her fault."

"NO!" John roared and slammed his hand down on the console. "The only person I blame for my suffering and pain is you!" he pointed at Jeff. "You are the one that always pushed me aside! Stepped on me! Neglected me and looked the other way! You hate me!" He lunged but Scott did the same and caught John by the shoulders.

"Easy John", Scott soothed. "I understand that you are angry with dad, but not all of this anger comes from you."

"Yes it does!"

"No", Scott said gently and tried to catch his brother's gaze with his own. "No because the John I know never explodes at people like this. I do believe you hen you say that you are angry and hurting… suffering in ways I cannot understand, but I think those things on your head are amplifying those feelings."

"They're not!"

"Well why don't we remove them then and find out?" Scott reached for one.

"NO!" John yelled in almost panic.

"Whoa easy kiddo I won't touch them", Scott soothed and gripped John's shoulders gently. "Look dad is clearly not the person you need to be around right now."

"I need him to tell you the truth!"

"Oh he will John, he will", Scott assured. "But don't you think ti would be better if we did it with Grandma there too?"

"G-grandma?"

"Yeah, she will want to know the truth and she'll want to help. Who knows she might even cook for us." Everyone in the room blanched.

"Don't _ever _joke about that", Gordon squeaked. "She totally would!"

"Someone needs to give her cooking lessons", Alan said. "Max?" The robot backed away slowly. "Traitor."

"You could John", Virgil said and moved closer as well. "You're a great cook."

"No I'm not", John said.

"Oh you are", Virgil said and put a hand on his shoulder. "Those waffles you made on my birthday three years ago? Heaven!"

"That was you?!" Scott, Gordon and Alan exclaimed while John blushed. Jeff blinked in confusion. How could John switch from 100% hate and anger to 100% calm in a matter of seconds? Scott had to be right. Those disks, whatever they were was the cause of this. They had to be.

"CODE", a cold voice growled and they all looked at the Hood who was now awake. "53lf D357r0y 74r637."

"Shut up you!" Gordon spat at him.

"JOHN!" Virgil exclaimed in horror when John snatched a knife from Scott's belt and brought it up towards his own neck. Scott and Virgil grabbed his arm and tried to wrench the knife from him. John's eyes were wide with fear and his face pale.

"CODE: D357r0y 5C077 V1R6IL 60RD0N 4L4N."

John dropped the knife, twisted his arm around and threw himself to the side. He hit the wall with his feet and used it to catapult himself and his two older brothers forward. Scott and Virgil lost their grip on him. John's eyes were narrowed in anger and he gripped the knife again. He looked around the room and then launched for Virgil, knife held high.

"Oh no you d-don't!" Brains called and lunged at John. John tried to get loose but it was too late. His eyes rolled back into the back of his head and Scott noticed Brains held a syringe in his hand.

"John!" his brothers exclaimed worriedly. The Hood looked disappointed. Jeff floated over to him and gripped a bit of fabric from his suit. He used it to gag the Hood. The Hood protested wildly but no one could understand him now. Virgil was cradling John close.

"H-he'll be fine", Brains said. "I j-just k-knocked him out for a while so that we c-can return home. Th-then we can remove those disks. I am s-sure the Mechanic will h-help us."

"What should we do with him in the meantime?" Alan asked.

"I'll put him in the medbay and… secure him to the bed", Virgil said and with Scott's help they left the cockpit with John, all feeling guilty and a little downcast. Now what?

* * *

**TBC**

**Thanks for all favs and follows as well :)**

**Guest - I had to use Google translate to understand your review but thanks :)**


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

John's eyes fluttered opened. What had happened? Where was he? He looked around as his surroundings started to come back into focus. He was in the medbay. He would recognize it anywhere, but why was he here? What had happened? He tried to reach up and rub at his eyes. They felt so heavy and his head was pounding. I say tried because he soon found he could not move his arms. Panic started rising. His heart started beating faster and his eyes darted all over the place. Why was he tied down!? His feet seemed to be tied down too! What had happened? What had he _done _to make his family tie him down?

He closed his eyes and tried to calm down his racing heart and racing mind. He remembered sitting by the consoles after they had brought their father back. Then he had crashed the systems, all according to plan… wait that was not right. He was not supposed to do that… was he? He had done it though, but why? It was dangerous! What if they could not make it home! No wait he had put in a backdoor so that Brains could get back in if he needed. He wasn't going to risk his brothers' lives… or Brains'… or Max's. His father though… his father… he hated John. He always had and now his family was finally going to see that.

There had been lots of shouting… and fighting. Scott didn't believe him and neither did Alan. Then again they always worshipped their sad excuse for a father. Virgil and Gordon were more sympathetic, they could see through Jeff's false façade. They had screamed and fought and then Max attacked John! Why would Max attack him!? He hadn't done anything wrong and hadn't done anything to him! So why had Max attacked him? His head hurt so much, all over. Wait he had done something with his head and Max had let go of him. Then John had run… he just had to get out of there.

Everything was just too much. Jeff acting like he cared, Virgil and Gordon trying to calm John down, Scott and Alan not believing him… those looks on their faces. The way they had looked at him. He had just felt that he had to get away… he had needed to get away… had… had… had been feeling the need to get away from everything. Get away from his father who hated him because he had survived when their mother had not. That had not been John's fault but he had still gotten the blame… it had been their mother who had wanted to go down one more slope and Jeff had wanted John to go with her. His father now hated him for not saying no… and for looking like his mother.

That was not John's fault either! He had never asked to look like her! It had not been his decision to become her male doppelgänger! He had never asked for it and yet he now looked like her! Which as why Jeff hated him and his brothers were sad when they look at him… they didn't want to look at him. He only reminded them of all the pain of losing their mother. He had to get away from them too… had to leave and be as far away as he could but still close enough to be able to help them save people.

Thunderbird 5… she had been the perfect place to run too. He would not have to be right there with his brothers and cause them pain. He could be far far above them… out of sight and out of mind. They would not have to suffer the grief and longing for their mother and he would not have to be looked at that way. He needed to tell them that sometime… wait… wait hadn't he already done that? He might have… a flash of Scott looking devasted passed through his mind and he scrunched his eyes tightly closed. It hurt. Why was there glass between them? Oh right…

John had run and his brothers had followed him. The glass had separated them and Jeff had been forced to choose between them. He probably chose the others but they managed to save him before he died. That must be why he was hurting and why he was in the medbay. His brothers had saved… no wait. They had not saved him… _he _had saved _them_. Jeff had chosen him. He had given John the chance to save his brothers and he had. He had saved them and they had returned to the cockpit and then… there had been fighting again. There had been a knife… he had done something. Brains had rammed something into his neck… because John had done something. But what? His head hurt when he tried to think about it.

"You awake?" a voice asked and he opened his eyes again. Brains was there.

"Brains?" John asked.

"Y-yes John", Brains asked and glided over. Oh they must still be in space. "How are you f-feeling?"

"Like someone is hammering on my head with a jackhammer… what happened?"

"The H-Hood made you a-attack your brothers."

"What?" John asked horrified.

"They are o-okay", Brains assured. "W-worried about you."

"They shouldn't be", John whispered. "This is my fault…"

"No I don't th-think so", Brains said and put a hand on his shoulder. "I th-think those things on your h-head is to blame."

"Don't touch them!" John yelled.

"I won't I p-promise", Brains assured. "I do h-however need your h-help."

"With what?" John asked and Brains handed him a datapad. "Oh… you didn't find the backdoor?"

"There was a b-backdoor?"

"Yeah", John said.

"Oh! W-well then I can fix that later." He put the pad away. "I n-need to remove your communiator. I'll release your hand o-okay?"

"Yes", John replied and waited while Brains did just that. Brains took off the restraint and then the communicator on John's suit. When he did John sighed. "So I can't get into the systems?"

"U-until we find a way to work a-against the Hood's codes I think we must."

John nodded. "How can they still be active after everything that's happened?"

"I-I don't know b-but I have a th-theory on how they w-work."

"Which is?"

"L-let me try something."

"Fine, I trust you… even though you stabbed my neck."

Brains blushed a little and cleared his throat.

"C-CODE: R4153 Y0UR L3F7 H4ND."

John blinked but did as he had been told. Brains looked at him.

"C-CODE: W4V3 W17H Y0UR L3F7 H4ND."

John waved with his left hand, what was Brains doing and why did he feel the urge to do this? He just felt that he _had _to.

"Brains what are-" he began but Brains cut him off.

"CODE: WH…157L3 UN….71L 1 54Y 5…709."

Virgil who was standing just outside the door blinked in confusion when John started whistling.

"S-Stop", Brains said and John stopped whistling. "I-it seems like I am r-right."

"About wh-"

"CODE: D0N'7 54Y 4 W0RD."

John closed his mouth.

"G-good. Now I understand what the H-Hood has done with those c-commands. John do you remembered my f-favorite quote by Stephen Hawking?" John nodded. "Tell me." John glared at him without opening his mouth. "Oh right s-sorry. Stephen Hawking once said that: 'I-Intelligence is the ability to adapt to ch-change'. Then p-people back in your grandmother's y-youth started making shirts and o-other things with the quote b-but with one change. You remember?" John gave him an annoyed look. Brains blushed. "Right I f-forgot." He went over to a screen and started typing. John watched him and saw what appeared.

"1N73LL1G3NC3 15 7H3 4B1LL17Y 7O 4D4P7 7O CH4NG3."

"Th-they exchanged some l-letters for n-numbers", Brains went on. "B-but our brains can s-subconsciously put those l-letters back so that we c-can actually read it. Wh-which is what the Hood has done to y-you. You can decipher h-his messages e-even though they make no sense to a-anyone else. Let me demonstrate!" he brought the holoscreen over into John's reach. "CODE: UND0 WH47 Y0U D1D 70 7H3 5Y573M5." John's hand darted out and he started to hack the systems again, well re-hack them. He went in through the backdoor and the ship shuddered when all systems were back online. Brains grinned brightly and John smiled softly. Brains then turned to him.

"CODE: U… ND0 4LL 8…R41N5 C0…MM4ND5!"

"Brains…" John said. "What the hell!?"

"S-sorry John I had to t-test my theory. I-it worked! I'll try one m-more. CODE: R3537. Virgil, come in here."

Virgil sighed and stepped inside. John looked at him and Virgil noticed it at once. It had not worked. John's wide eyes turned dark and narrowed. His whole body tensed as if he was prepared to lunge at Virgil. Which he was about to do both Virgil and Brains realized. Virgil hurriedly left before anything could happen. Brains watched John relax, his eyes becoming lighter again.

"It didn't work did it?" John asked.

"No… b-but when we get b-back home we will find a solution. I p-promise. I'll be back in a bit to check o-on you. P-prepare for the T-drive launch."

"FAB Brains…"

John laid down and looked at the roof of the medbay. Brains left with his head hanging. He had to return and explain that his theory was right, partly. But he had to tell them that his last command had not worked… everyone would be disappointed.

* * *

Brains soon glided into the cockpit and all eyes were on him, Virgil was in his seat looking devastated and Brains sighed and shook his head. Scott cursed and sat down in his seat. Alan and Gordon sat down as well. Brains took his seat.

"A-all systems back to n-normal", he said. Scott nodded and swallowed.

"Alright go no go for launch", he said with a heavy tone in his voice. "Navigation?"

"Go…" Gordon replied.

"Airframe?"

"Go…", Virgil replied while strapping in.

"Propulsion?"

"Go...", Brains replied.

"Helm?"

"Go…" Alan replied.

"Telemetry?"

"G-go", Brains replied, being in charge of both at the moment.

"Then let's go home", Scott said, then turned to Jeff. "You okay dad?"

"Not really but we all will be", Jeff said. "I swear."

"I hope you can keep that promise dad… 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… Thunderbirds are go."

Brains reached to activate the T-drive engine and this time the ship did what it was supposed to do.

"That still feels weird", Gordon said and shook himself to get the feeling to go away. Scott smiled softly at him before opening a channel to Tracy Island.

"Zero XL to Tracy Island", he said. "We're home. With _two _extra passengers." He looked at the Hood who was tied up and gagged in a corner. The Hood glared hatefully at him but Scott ignored him.

"That's amazing news Scott", Kayo replied as her image appeared in front of Scott. "But did you just say two extra passengers?"

"We had a stowaway." Kayo nodded at his words and cut the connection. "Brains… what will we do about John?"

"A-as far as I can tell he will only attack y-you if he sees you", Brains said. "So i-if we can get him into the medbay w-without seeing either you or your f-father he will be okay."

"Damn… and how will we stop him from attacking us after that?"

"My th-theory is that those d-disks on his head are what's behind him loosing a-all inhibitions, losing himself to his e-emotion, f-fully speaing his m-mind and doing what is o-ordered to him in c-code. If we c-can remove them he will be fine."

"But you saw how he reacted", Alan said. "Whenever we tried to touch them or brought them up he got all panicked and tried to hurt himself!"

"We'll h-have to sedate him a-again and remove them while he is asleep."

"Do you even know how?" Gordon asked.

"N-no but with the Mechanic's help I am s-sure we can f-figure it out."

"Let's hope so", Scott said. "Prepare to release Thunderbird 5… We can't bring the station down to the ground."

"FAB." Brains said and started typing. Soon they had separated from Thunderbird 5 and prepared to enter the atmosphere. That's when things started to take a turn for the odd again. An alarm started beeping just as they had finished entering the atmosphere.

"That's the pod-alarm from Thunderbird 2", Virgil said. "One of the pods are being assembled too quickly."

"Is it John?" Gordon asked worriedly.

"It can't be we left him tied up… right Brains?"

"Yes I think… oh no", Brains began. "I f-forgot to strap his left arm in a-again!"

"What!?" Scott exclaimed. "Gordon open a channel to the pod."

"FAB", Gordon said. "John? Johnny can you hear us? Huh? He locked me out!" They watched the systems tell them that the pod had left Thunderbird 2. "John no!" They saw the little small dot on their radar… speeding away.

"Why is he doing that?" Alan asked horrified.

"I think that the Hood planned to kill us all when he activated that first code", Virgil said. "Then the person doing it would leave the ship when we were safely back in the atmosphere… leaving the Hood with all the Thunderbirds."

"So John is still doing what the Hood programmed him to do!?" Gordon asked and turned to glare at the smug looking Hood.

"We need to stop him", Scott said. "Brains track that pod."

"I c-can't", Brains said. "John disassembled the t-tracking mechanism… he's gone."

"Gone?" Alan asked. "But… but Johnny can't be gone."

"He's not gone…" Jeff said. "He's missing."

"It's like dad all over again…" Alan said and looked at his brothers. "What do we do now?"

* * *

**TBC**

**Thanks for all favs and follows as well :)**

**Guest - Well I wanted to see your feedback so I had to translate. I took Spanish in school but it has been over ten years since then. **


	10. Chapter 10

Part 10

Gordon Tracy was upset. He was not angry. He was not gloomy. He was not bitter. He was not brooding. He was not mopey. He was upset. His older brother was gone, just gone and they had no way of finding him. All they could do was return home without him. That was wrong. It was all wrong. They had been supposed to go out into deep space and find their father, bring him home and be a happy family again. The Hood had not been supposed to hide on the ship. He had not been supposed to somehow get control of John. John had not been supposed to disappear! John was supposed to be there with them! He had been supposed to be there when grandma saw her son again. He was supposed to be there to laugh at their father when grandma told him he would get a home cooked meal. He was supposed to be there to save them from that meal by making one himself. He was supposed to sit beside Gordon now as they were about to tell everyone what had happened. He was not supposed to have gone missing. Kayo, Parker, Penny and Grandma looked at them worriedly. Of course they had all noticed that John was not with them when they got back. They had all noticed he was not here now and they had all noticed the strange looks passing between the boys and their father. Grandma noticed the look Scott cast his father and sighed.

"So what did John tell you", she asked and they all looked at her.

"Grandma?" Virgil asked.

"What did he tell you?" she asked again, more firmly. "Did he tell you that he thinks your father loves you more than him? Did he tell you your father wanted him dead? Did he tell you how much he hates the fact that he looks so much like your mother?" Everyone stared at her for different reasons. Kayo could not believe what she was hearing. Neither could Penny or Parker. The boys and Jeff couldn't believe she knew about it all. Grandma sighed.

"He did didn't he", she asked. "And then he ran away?"

"No!" Virgil said. "Well yes… in a way he did but it was not his fault!"

"So he did tell you?"

"Yes."

"And he ran way."

"…yes."

"And now you can't contact him?"

"Exactly."

"Let him stew for a bit and he will come back when he's ready."

"No… no he won't grandma", Gordon said and looked at his toes. "Not… not this time." He heard a gasp from Penny beside him.

"Is he", she began.

"No!" Scott hurriedly cut in. "No, no he's not dead."

"We don't know that for sure", Alan grumbled.

"Allie."

"No!" Alan yelled. "We have no idea of knowing because we don't know where he went! We can't contact him and we can't find him! We lost him! Just like we lost dad! We lost him and we can't find him! I can't find him! I was at the helm! I should have been able to follow! I should have been able to see where he went I should-"

"This sounds exactly what John kept saying after Jeff disappeared", Grandma cut in gently and smiled softly at Alan. "He said that the whole explosion was his fault, how he had not seen what happened to the Zero X fast enough… that he'd not find the person behind it… that he had not been able to find your father. 'Grandma I can see everything from here except for the thing I really want to find! What good am I up here if I can't see or _do_ anything!'? That's what he told me. Why do you think he worked so hard up there, why he made sure to see and hear _everything_? He didn't ever want to be in that position again. He never wanted to be the one at fault for not seeing a disaster coming. Never again."

"But that wasn't his fault at all", Jeff said softly and sighed. He was lying on one of the couches, forced to bedrest by his mother. He also had an IV-line attached because he was malnourished, had a weakened immune system and his muscles and bones were suffering after the long stint in space. He was being just as clumsy as John whenever he came down from space.

"John didn't see it that way son", Grandma said and felt a warmness fill her at the word. "In fact there are many things John didn't see the way others see it."

"Like what you said before?" Penny said. "About Jeff loving his other boys more? I can't picture that at all."

"Well John can", Virgil said. "And with good reason too as we found out."

"Tell us what happened", Kayo said and Scott took it upon himself to explain what had happened from the moment they found their dad and until they got home. While he spoke he noticed the faces of his family change quit a few times. However his grandmother did not look the slightest bit confused. It looked to her as if she had been expecting this, but how could she have expected it?

"And then we handed the Hood off to the GDF and that is where we are now", he finished telling the story and the mood in the lounge was somber. Kayo looked as if she did not know what to believe. Penny tried to keep her collected façade but the tight grip she held on Gordon's hand told Scott she was doing it to get some comfort. Parker was looking at Sherbert, stroking his fur softly while the dog whined. Scott looked at his brothers. Alan looked really sad, it was no secret he idolized John, this must be hardest on him. Gordon was comforting Penny but by his tight lips Scott could tell he was pissed. Virgil was glaring daggers at the table in the middle of the room. It took a lot to make Virgil angry but now he was really pissed. Scott himself had no idea how he really felt. He was sad that his brother was gone, missing. He was worried about him but at the same time he knew John could handle himself… after getting used to a bit of gravity that is. Once he got used to it he was still the every little bit of gymnast that he had been in his teens and at university. John was a genius, he could handle himself just fine. Scott sighed and looked at his father. His father… he looked so… so sad… so broken. Jeff was deciding that this was his fault, all of it. Grandma looked around at them and got up. All eyes were on her.

"That Johnny is missing is a horrible thing", she said. "But… it is good that things have finally come out in the open."

"What do you mean grandma?" Virgil growled. "How can any of it be fine!?"

"John has been bottling up all these feelings for years", she said. "He's kept it to himself and it must be harmful to him… it must still be hurting. Now that it is out he can finally start to heal."

"He shouldn't have to be healing in the first place!" Gordon growled.

"No he shouldn't but what is done is done", Grandma said firmly. "I am sure your brother, you boys and Jeff all wish things had not been that way but they are and they were. All we can do now is find John, talk about it and move on."

"How do we move on from the fact that our own father wished his son was dead?" Alan asked in a small voice and Jeff sighed heavily. All eyes were on him.

"I messed up with John from the start", he said solemnly. "I love all my boys and I thought I did it equally… I did do it equally when your mother was still alive. After she was gone… I lost myself and I lost sight of what is truly important. I pushed all of my boys aside but no one more so than John… for the simple fact that… that…"

"That John looks just like mom", Scott said and Jeff nodded.

"They are so alike in looks, personality and soul that John could be her twin. Seeing him… it just hurt. Being alive without my Lucy hurt so I took to drinking. I only worked, ate, drank and slept. Nothing else seemed to exist in the cycle of sorrow that was my life without Lucy. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, nothing at all. That is… until that horrible night."

"When you told John you wished he was dead", Grandma said and sighed.

"You knew about it mom?"

"Not at the time… John only told me about it years later. After you went missing and I found him staring at a blank computer screen… debating on if he should stop searching, widen the search, look for another way to search… or if he should just quit. He had no idea of what to feel. The rest of the boys were crying, fighting and going through all the emotions associated with a loss… but Johnny couldn't. He didn't know what to feel. The cause of so much of his pain was gone and that should make him happy, only that it meant that the father he loves so much was gone as well. He was completely lost and I sat down with him and started talking about how proud you were of him son… and the damm just broke. I have never seen John cry as much as he did that night."

Jeff's heart clenched. He was the cause of such misery in his son's life. He was the cause for all that pain.

"Johnny was well aware that he was to blame too", Grandma went on.

"WHAT!?" her four grandsons yelled but she silenced them with a look.

"John was well aware that he should have talked to you about it Jeff", she said. "That he should have put his foot down earlier and demand to know why you distanced yourself from him. Instead he did the same to you as you were doing to him. He put up walls and distanced himself. He stopped asking you to come to important things in his life. He stopped trying to gain your approval. He stopped trying to get involved with things that had a natural connection between the two of you. He distanced himself from the family and from Earth. He could not take the pain, the tears, the grief… he just couldn't bother with it anymore so he locked it away deep, deep inside himself. Acting like the problem never existed, acted like it didn't even matter… acted as if he was just one more person on Earth and not part of this family. Johnny has always put others' needs before himself. He has declined so many options that could have taken him places."

"What do you mean Grandma", Gordon asked.

"John was offered a high-ranking job within the GDF", Kayo said. "I came across the offer a few months ago and I was going to ask him about it but it slipped my mind."

"They wanted John to become head of the GDF space force", Grandma continued. "He was also offered tenure at a few colleges and universities. He was also offered a nice job at a lab that tries to create AIs… John turned them all down because it would mean he had to leave his family. He also isolated himself on that damn station to spare his brothers the burden of being so far away from everyone else… sparing them from having to listening to rescues they could not physically help with. John decided long ago that if anyone in this family should be hurting… he should be the one because he sees himself as the one causing most of the pain to begin with."

"What do you mean?" Penny asked.

"John looks like mom", Gordon said. "And at times…"

"It hurts to look at him because it makes us miss mom", Virgil filled in. "John knows that's how we feel… especially when he smiles."

"Which is why he doesn't really smile at anyone", Scott said.

"Or stop when he notices us getting sad about it", Alan supplied. "Poor John. Imagine it from his point of view… he thinks his whole life is just one big reminder of what we are missing."

"Damn it", Scott swore. "How could we not see how much we made him suffer?!"

"Because Johnny is too good at hiding it", Grandma soothed and put a hand on his shoulder. "I doubt anyone would be able to tell he was hurting. However that the so called cat is out of the bag now is a good thing. When we get Johnny back we can all finally start to heal… and heal properly."

"There is just one problem with that mom", Jeff said and all eyes were on him. "We don't know where he is."

"Speak for yourself", she replied. "I know exactly where he is and I _know _how to get him back."

"How?" everyone else asked. She just smiled.

"Just leave it to me."

* * *

**TBC**

**Thanks for all reviews! I've not had time to answer to them this time I promise I will do better this chapter.**


	11. Chapter 11

Part 11

Grandma smiled as she walked up the hill towards a lone figure sitting on a rock overlooking the ocean. Virgil had tried to come with her but she had told him to just wait on the ship. She had told him this was something she'd better do alone, for everyone's sake. So now she walked up towards the lone figure on the rock all by herself.

"I knew you'd be here", she said and sat down beside him. "How are you holding up kid?" She turned to her right and looked at the young man sitting beside her. His ginger hair looked as if it was shining in the setting sun. He turned his sad green-blue eyes on her.

"Could be better", he said.

"I see", she said. "Your brothers told us what happened in space. How are you feeling?"

"Like one could expect after nearly killing your family."

"Isn't that an exaggeration sweetheart?"

"Not really", the young man sighed heavily. "After Brains forgot to tie my hand up again I waited for the T-Drive to be activated. When that was over I got loose… the first thing I did… look for a weapon."

"Why would you look for a weapon?"

"To destroy my brothers", the young man replied. "I got to the cockpit…"

"But you didn't enter."

"No… I knew that if I did all of them would die so instead… I waited and then I had to leave."

"Why?"

"I don't know I just had to. I think… I think it was what the Hood planned. He wanted me to strand us in space so that he could take the ship over, have me kill everybody and then send me off on my merry way when we got back to Earth. Sending me away to live out my life in pain and regret. I don't think he counted for my actions though… I can't imagine he having me blowing up at everything and everyone."

"Well I for one think it was good that you 'blew up' kid."

"I know I know… You've been telling me that for years."

"I have because I have always thought that you and your father needed to have a talk. I was not aware of the severity of neglect on Jeff's part though."

"He wasn't aware either", John growled darkly and clenched his fist. "He didn't even realize!"

"And you never showed it."

"He should have realized!"

"Yes he should have but when you understood he never would have realized _you _should have told him."

"He would not have listened to me grandma! He would not have listened! He never listened to me! He… he never listens! When he sees me all he sees is mom! Not me… mom."

"I know."

"He never tried to look past the similarity… he never tried to get to know the real me. To him I was just this weird kid he couldn't figure out… this weird kid looking like the wife he lost."

"It has always been his loss kid. Jeff has a hard time accepting things that doesn't turn out the way he planned. He has that from your grandfather. Grant always went on and on about how Tracy boys are big and strong and athletic and robust. Lucy and I would just roll our eyes at him and Jeff when they got going."

"Grandpa never told me that."

"He changed his mind when you and Virgil were born. First Virgil was born, a strong and athletic young man but with the heart and soul of an artist. You grandfather didn't care much for arts and crafts… until Virgil gave him a drawing he'd made. Grant changed his tune quite fast. Then your grandfather got to meet you and he was… fascinated."

"Fascinated?" John asked, much calmer again. "By me?"

"Yes. You were so different from all the other boys. 'Real Tracy's my grandsons', he'd say. I'd smack him or give him a good wallop for that because I knew you were different. You preferred to read, be quiet and do calmer sports whereas your brothers could never really sit still. Grant was fascinated by you from the day you took apart that old radio, fixed it and put it back together again. I think you were six or five years old at the time. You are so smart kid, way smarter than your brothers and he saw that. He realized even though you were not looking like a 'real Tracy boy' you would probably go further than any of your brothers."

"I always thought grandpa only liked the others because they were real Tracy boys…"

"He did love you all the same. He changed his tune after you were born. One of our neighbors tried to mock your grandfather when you five were out playing. Virgil was painting while Scott tried to teach Gordon how to ride a bike. You were reading to little Alan. Our neighbor tried to imply that Grant and I had nothing to be proud of. Your grandfather decked him and said that what he had in front of him were five _real _Tracy boys because a Tracy never gives up, never turns away from one in need, look after each other and are always there for each other. Your grandfather could change his tone and so can your father. You just have to give him a chance."

"I don't know if I can grandma… it hurts _so _much."

"I understand that dear. The way he treated your borders on unforgivable but I know that in that big heart of yours you have the will and the wish to forgive him. If he asks for it."

"I wish he did… but at times I wish he was still gone. Things are going to get hard… and… and I ruined everything."

"What do you mean?"

"To Alan and the others dad has always been the perfect dad… a big hero and close to a god. I crushed all of their hopes and dreams about him. They'll never look at him the same way again."

"And they shouldn't", Grandma said and got up and looked at the ocean. "Your father was never perfect and it shows clearly in his treatment of you. A parent should not have favorites and still he had four. It was really unfair and it was awful and nasty. But you must understand something John and I have told you this before… it's not only your fathers fault."

"I know", John mumbled and looked at the grass to his feet. "I should have pointed it out. I should have told him a long time ago. When he said he would not come see me going for the gold in the world cup I should have said: 'Dad it's the world cup, the biggest event in my life and I want my dad there to cheer me on.' Instead I just told him I would be okay anyway. I pushed him away and he pushed me away… but he was the parent!" John flew up angrily. "He should have known! He should have known better!"

"He should but as you said. He is not perfect. He is not omniscient. He's a man and men makes mistakes. We all make mistakes. Mine was not putting my foot down soon enough. I saw what was happening but did nothing to stop it. If anything Johnny you should be angry with me."

"Why, because you could have stopped it?"

"I could have, but I didn't. I thought Jeff would see sense… but then he disappeared and we moved on… we forgot about the problems. We hid them away and I am sorry for that. I should have stood up for you… the way your mother always did."

"Mom… I miss her so much."

"We all do and I think that the cause of Jeff's actions or at least a big part of it is just that. He misses his wife."

"And a replica of her is still alive and running around. He hates me."

"No dear", Grandma said calmly. "I think… I think he is afraid of you."

"Afraid of me?" John asked. "What?"

"Come and sit", Grandma said as she sat down again. John did as well. She looked at him. "What do I always tell you boys about humans and fear?"

"That humans fear things they can't understand", John replied. "You're right… you're always right."

"Yes and I think your father is afraid of you, not you personally, more like… afraid because he doesn't know how to act around you. He knows he's hurt you or he believed he had but he had no idea on how to stop and how to fix it. You never showed him you were in pain so he was scared of hurting you more by trying to fix it."

"It's not my fault!"

"I'm not saying that it is but kid you are a very private person. You always have been. You lock your feelings and thoughts away because you are afraid that if people sees them they won't understand. Jeff is afraid of seeing them because he's afraid he won't understand. He understands himself, he understands Scott because Scott is just a younger, but taller, version of himself. He understands Virgil because he is a lot like your grandfather. He understands Gordon and Alan because they are interested in things most boys are. But he doesn't really understand you. You are too smart for him."

"What", John asked dryly.

"Oh your father is no dummy… and idiot at times but no dummy but you and Brains… you are too smart for him. When you both get going he just nods and pretend to understand. When you leave he looks your words up in a dictionary." She noticed John smile a little. "You are too complicated for him and that scares him. He needs a good old fashion whack to get a move on and get started and I think you gave him that whack."

"And then some… they'll never forgive me."

"Who?"

"The guys… I… I attacked them grandma!" his tears started falling slowly. "I attacked them and hurt them and nearly got them killed! Then I tried to kill them!"

"The Hood told you too."

"I didn't fight it! It's like he said! He can't create something out of nothing! Some form of hatred must be in here!" He knocked on his head. "I've never hated them! I have never resented them! And still I tried to kill them! I didn't even hesitate!"

"You had no choice kid."

"But I did!" John yelled and got up again. "I could have entered the cockpit and killed them all but I didn't! I chose not too! I could have crashed all systems again but I didn't!"

"Because you couldn't see them."

"Why would I hate to see them!?"

"For the same reason Jeff once hated to look at you… they remind you of your parents. The parents you miss, the parents you lost. In comparison to them you lost both parents when Lucy died because when she died…"

"Dad left me too", John said and looked out at the ocean where the sun was setting and the moon and stars would come out soon.

"In a way he did… yes. He cut you out because he could not stand to look at you because of how you look. He did not se his son… all he saw was his wife."

"And he blamed me for it."

"He did and it was wrong, is still wrong. We all look at you with sadness sometimes and you don't deserve that. W forced you into isolation."

"I forced myself because I was sick and tired of being looked at like that!"

"I know."

"No!" John yelled. "You don't know! Nobody knows! I'm fed up with people looking at me like that! With pity, with remorse, with hurt, with longing, with grief! I'm sick and tired of being reminded of the things I hate about myself! I never asked to look like this!" he clenched his fists tightly as tears started streaming down his cheeks at a faster pace. "I was never asked to be born this way!"

"I know sweetheart… no one does. No one can help the way they are born."

"I never asked to look like her! I don't want to look like her! I hate her!" John fell on his knees and Grandma hurried over and put her arms around him as he cried. "I hater her I hater her I hater her I hater her I hater her I hater her I HATE HER!" John was bawling at the end of his tirade.

"I know", Grandma soothed.

"Why did she have to leave!? Why!? If she hadn't gone… if she hadn't taken me down that last slope she would still be here! Why did I let them talk me into it!? It was my fault! Is that why this is happening!? Is this punishment for killing her!?"

"Now you listen to me John Tracy", Grandma said sharply and held him tighter. "You did not kill her that day. You did not kill your grandfather either. The avalanche did."

"But we were there because of me! Because mom wanted me to have a good time with a sport I was better at than either Scott or Virgil! She wanted me to show Allie and Gordy that you can be good at one sport and bad at another! By doing so she died! She left! She left us and left me to be the constant reminder of her absence! It's not fair! It's not _fair_."

"It really isn't kid…"

"I never asked to look like her. I tried to change it but Scott and Virgil wouldn't let me. You didn't let me either!"

"Because I wanted you to be you and not trying to look like somebody else… and to be reminded of Lucy. It was selfish and I'm sorry." John only sniffled so Grandma continued. "I see Lucy in you all the time… and I am sorry that my way of reminding you of it is hurting you. Truth is I see her in all of you boys. In Alan's good heart, in Gordon's humor, in Virgil's artistic and musical talents, in Scott's temper and so much in you and not just your looks. You are as smart as she was and just a big a dreamer. She lives on in all of you boys and sometimes I think none of you can even see it. She is never truly gone because you five live on in her memory. International Rescue exists in her memory as well… you discovered that star and gave it her name. We are always reminded of her but we take our grief out on you kid and that is not fair. I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven", John said softly, sounding spent and tired.

"Good because I will just be the first one to apologize. You should be prepared for a lot of kissing up from your family."

"Can you tell them I love them for me?"

"What do you mean kid?"

"Nothing… can we just stay here a little longer? The stars are coming out."

Grandma smiled and pushed his hair from his eyes. "You and your stars… you and Alan are as bad as each other. He idolizes you, you know. Scott is his hero but you are the one he wants to be like."

"I love Allie too… please tell him that."

"Tell him yourself when you are ready." She looked out over the ocean. "Why do you always come here when you are upset?"

"Because I feel close to all my brothers here. The sky for Scott and Virgil, the ocean for Gordon and the stars for Allie… tell them I love them."

"You can tell them that yourself."

"I can't… the disks…"

"Oh I have a cure for that… Virgil. Now!"

"FAB", a voice said over the radio and everything around them slowly started to disappear. John chuckled.

"An EMP…" he said. "To turn off the game."

"It is time to return to the real life now kid", Grandma said as the world around them slowly dissolved.

"I'm so tired", John said. "Will you stay until I'm asleep?"

"Johnny?" Grandma asked getting worried.

"There was no other way to stop it…"

"Stop what?"

"The Hood's final code… I had to stop it." Fear gripped Sally's heart.

"John what did you do?"

"I tried to stop myself from hurting them… but when I did I hurt myself, as he commanded. So I stopped doing that and… and found myself preparing to make the 'birds crash…"

"John!"

"I needed to protect my brothers… I needed… them… to be safe."

"Virgil get your ass in here and bring the first aid kit!" Grandma yelled into her com. "Scott contact the nearest hospital!"

"They can only be safe if I follow… if I followed…"

"Don't you close your eyes John Glenn Tracy!" Grandma ordered sternly. "If you do I will make you dinner!"

"I'll tell mom and grandpa you said hi…"

"JOHN!"

* * *

**TBC**

**Thanks for all reviews! **

**I'm a bad bad bad person...**


	12. Chapter 12

Part 12

The beeping of the heart monitor and the buzzing of the other machines were the only sounds in the room. However Scott was not really listening to it. All his attention was on the young man on the bed in front of him. Scott sat in an uncomfortable chair beside the bed, as close to it as he could come. He held one hand on John's chest, on top of his heart and the other he held John's hand with. They had been close to lose him… too close. John's heart had stopped a few times between the ranch and the hospital. John had tried to kill himself… _had _killed himself… to save his brothers. Scott looked at John's face. He was pale and looked as if he was only sleeping and not in a coma. There was a bandage around his head.

The doctors had managed to remove those disks. Scott had felt sick when he saw them. They'd each had three spikes that had reached into John's brain. Brains had brought out the specks and had showed them what had happened. Those disks had attached to John's Limbic System. Now Scott was not an expert on the brain, but he knew that the Limbic System had something to do about a person's emotions. Virgil had explained it to him. The Limbic System was in charge of regulating emotions, memories and stimulation. The Hood had managed to create something that connected to the Limbic System and went it go haywire. All John's worst memories had come back to haunt him full force and his emotions had been twisted. They had also been told that doctors were trying to develop these disks to be used for mental patients who, willingly, wanted to get a hold on a certain emotion. For example anger issues or depression. They were also told that these disks had been stolen from a lab a few months back… the Hood must have done it. When those disks had been attached to John they had caused his emotions to run haywire and had caused his worst memories to resurface and had made the sadness and anger connected to them blown out of proportion.

Scott sighed and looked at John's face again. How had he missed how much his little brother had been suffering? How? He had promised his parents a long time ago to always look after his brothers. How had he failed so miserably with John? He had noticed John pulling away from them but he had said nothing about it. He had noticed John smiling less and less but had yet again done nothing about it. Before a few days ago… when was the last time he had given his brother a real strong hug? John didn't like hugs… was what they usually said. It was a lie. John maybe didn't like strangers and had a hard time in large crowds but he liked hugs and liked… had liked human contact from his family. Scott felt a cold lump forming in his gut when he thought that maybe, just maybe they were responsible for John not expressing the want of a hug. He knew now that John distanced himself knowingly from them… to "spare" them from looking at him. Scott shuddered. That was just horrible. Nobody deserved that… least of all John. Scott remembered the day John was born. He and Virgil had been taken to the hospital to visit him. Scott had been in awe of such a tiny little thing. He didn't remember the day Virgil was born because as far back as he could remember Virgil had always been there. When he and Virgil had been allowed to hold John, together and on their father's lap, Scott had felt… he'd felt like the whole world suddenly made sense to him. Sure he had been only five years old at the time but he had decided then and there that his mission in life was to protect his family. He remember telling his parents that.

"Hiya baby", he had said because John had not gotten a name yet. "Virgil and I am gonna protect you always."

Oh he had failed that miserably. He had failed when it came to John. Alan and Gordon had been more protected because they had also had John to help look after them. Alan, Gordon and himself had always been more vocal when something upset them. Virgil took it out in his art or his music. Scott always knew when Virgil was sad because he painted with dark colors and he played sad tunes on the piano. Often the _Moonlight Sonata_ or something that sounded even sadder. When he was angry his paintbrush strokes were aggressive, hard and rash. His played angry tunes or melodies on the piano and so on. John… John showed nothing. He withdrew even more. Scott looked at him. John looked so young and Scott realized John was young. He often forgot it, everyone forgot it because John had always been wise beyond his years. He had suffered so much. Scott could not imagine feeling as if your family hated you… as if your family didn't want you around because only looking at you hurt. No wait… he could. The few months after their father disappeared Alan, Gordon and Virgil had looked at him and had looked sad for a little bit. Scott looked like their father. Not the spitting image but you could _clearly _tell he was Jeff Tracy's son. He sighed and looked at John's face again.

"Hi Johnny", he said softly. "The doctors said your oxygen levels are better today and your temperature has gone down again. Your blood levels are getting stable again. You're on the mend… but you still won't wake up. The doctors don't know why though. They think those spikes had something to do with it." He paused and waited for John to reply, but he got no reply. "Why didn't you tell m you were hurting for so long Johnny? I… I could have… I… I might have been able to help. I could have talked to dad and made him stop pushing you aside. I never meant for him to do that. I hope you know that. I didn't even notice… no I… I think I subconsciously noticed but didn't know how to handle it because you seamed okay. I guess that you pretended to be okay… you were too good at pretending it was fine. It's so obvious when the rest of us aren't fine. You are more discreet, have always been more discreet. I mean Allie and Gordy were sure you were a ninja. You could just fade into the shadows and disappear whenever you wanted. You shouldn't have been forced too though… I should not have let you pull away. I should have run after you and pull you back. If I had… maybe this would not have happened."

"We don't know that", a voice said behind him and Scott jumped. He turned around and noticed Virgil entering the room and sitting down.

"I know", Scott told him. "But…"

"No buts unless they are for kicking", Virgil said softly. Scott noticed he had music player in his hands. Virgil put it on the table beside the bed and started it. Scott chuckled when the first melody came on.

"Only Johnny would fall in love with a band as ancient as the _Beatles_", he said.

"Hey they're not that bad", Virgil defended, he as well was a Beatles fan. Scott smiled as they listened to Johns favorite song. It was _Blackbird_. Virgil's breathe hitched. Scott looked at him worriedly and his worry multiplied when he saw the tears on Virgil's face.

"Virgil?" he asked.

"Oh my God", Virgil said. "I… I never realized why this is his favorite song… until now."

"What?" Scott asked.

"Listen to the lyrics", Virgil said and started the song over. Scott listened and felt his heart clench.

"Black bird singing in the dead of night", Virgil mumbled. "Take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free. Blackbird fly, blackbird fly into the light of the dark black night."

"You think Johnny felt that way?" Scott asked. "_Feels _that way?"

"After what happened in space I am sure of it", Virgil said and ran a hand over his face. "How could we have missed it Scott?"

"I asked myself that not long ago… I guess we were just so focused on getting Gordy and Alan through it all and to keep rescuing people."

"We didn't notice before that either… how did we not notice _we _were hurting him?"

"I don't know… my guess is that he is too good at hiding it."

"He shouldn't have to", Virgil sighed and looked at their younger brother. "W need to make it up to him when he wakes up."

"If he wakes up."

"He will. He's a Tracy, stubborn and a fighter. He'll pull through. He has to because I can't have failed."

"What?" Scott asked.

"I was there Scott… with Grandma. I was there and helped bring him back the first time. I saw… I saw what he did to save us. What the Hood made him do. You heard him when he spoke to Grandma… we all did. The only way out for him was ending it because if he didn't he would end us… John loves us too much to hurt us."

"The Hood did this", Scott growled.

"Yes. He should be happy he was not on the Island when we told the rest what happened."

"He should count himself lucky he is behind bars because I want nothing more than tearing him limb from limb!"

"Get in line…" Virgil sighed and they sat there for a moment just watching their brother sleep. "Dad wants to come see him." Scott just hummed in reply. "Grandma says dad's body is not ready yet but he is looking into ways to come anyway. Penny thinks it would be better if he waited until the media craze blows over too."

"That will take forever. It's not often ex-astronaut billionaires return from the dead."

"Not really no… EOS is still refusing to talk to anyone. She is monitoring rescues of course and helps out on them… but other than that she refuses to speak. Grandma forbid her from breaking into the hospital security because John would be upset if she got discovered and taken away."

"When he wakes up we can bring him home and she can talk to him… we all can."

"What do we say though?"

"Sorry", Scott said. "That is the first thing we'll say. We tell him we're sorry and we tell him we love him. We also tell him that we want him _home _more. That we won't let him isolate himself anymore. We're not losing him, not now not ever."

"Things will get awkward at first… and very emotional. I… I think we need to be there when John and ad has a talk."

"Yes, to support John."

"And dad too", Virgil said. "What he did wasn't right but he seems to regret it. He knows he did wrong and he better make sure he fixes it."

"He better do or I'll have words with him", Scott said.

"He better do or _grandma _will have words with him", Virgil said. Then he sighed again. "We nearly lost him Scott…" Scott didn't have to ask to know what Virgil meant. "We nearly lost Johnny…"

"But we didn't. We will get him back." Virgil sniffled and Scott pulled him into a tight hug which Virgil returned. "We _will_."

"What if we're wrong… what if we were too late?"

"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens", Scott said. "Johnny told me that once… who said it?"

"Tolkien", a soft voice said.

"Ah of course it would be one of those nerd writers."

"Not a nerd…"

"I call it as I see it", Scott joked.

"Tolkien spoke about 16 languages… created between 2 and 20 of his own… very smart."

"Yeah yeah Johnny that is what you always…" Scott trailed off and his head lifted so fast his neck made a cracking noise. His blue eyes met John's tired green-blue once. "J-Johnny?"

"Hi", John said and smiled. He then looked around. "Is it over?"

"Yeah…" Virgil got out between choked sobs. "Yeah little brother it's over." He leaned over and scooped John into the tightest bearhug he could muster while Scott rushed to find a doctor. "It's over Johnny."

* * *

**TBC**

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**Just so you know th STORY isn't over yet.**


	13. Chapter 13

Part 13

After a few days in the hospital John could return home. But due to him not being up and walking for most of his time on Earth since his return to it he was still very wobbly when trying to walk so for everyone's safety Scott and Virgil slung John's arms around their shoulders as they made their way up from the hangar to the house. Scott and Virgil had not left his side at the hospital, leaving IR to Kayo, Gordon and Alan. Not that the younger ones complained… much. They understood that their oldest brothers felt that they _had _to be there for John now that they had realized they had missed him hurting for so long. However as soon as Gordon and Alan saw their oldest brothers entering the lounge they felt the joy at seeing John overwhelming them and just like when they reunited with their father Alan and Gordon rushed John and threw themselves at him. John who had not been prepared for it lost his footing and fell backwards, dragging Scott and Virgil down with him. The five brothers landed in a heap on the floor. Which did not bother Alan and Gordon because now they could shuffle higher up on John and hug him around the neck instead.

"Ow…" was all John got out but then smiled and wrapped his long arms around his two younger brothers who had cuddled into his sides, sniffling slightly. John shared a look with Scott and Virgil who both smiled as well. Virgil leaned down to wrap his arm around his three younger brothers and Scott put his arms around all four of them.

"Never leave us again Johnny", Gordon whispered. "Don't you dare."

"I promise", John said. "Although this floor is rather uncomfortable, how about we move to one of the couches?"

"No!" Alan and Gordon said and just curled closer to him. John chuckled and tightened his grip on them. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip a little. He had nearly hurt them… his little brothers who he had sworn a long time ago to protect. He remembered holding the two of them when they were little, no more than 5 and 6. One of them had been having a nightmare and had woken the other up, making both sad and scared at the same time. John had been awake, looking at the stars, missing their mother. He had heard the quiet sniffles and had hurried to the youngest two's room. He had scooped both of them close to him and had hugged them, just like this. He scoffed a little thinking of what had happened next. He'd sung to them and they had fallen asleep like that, leaving John in a very uncomfortable position as he sat Indian-style one the bed with one brother asleep on each leg, with their heads on his shoulders and arms around his neck. He chuckled at the memory.

"What's so funny", Gordon asked and looked up at him. John met his eyes and sang softly, because he knew Gordon would know what he chuckled at:

"I held you close to me. Felt your heartbeat. And I thought: I am free. Oh yes, and as one are we in the now and beyond. Nothing and no one can break this bond."

Gordon grinned as well and Alan giggled somewhere below them and they tightened their hold on John. John just shrugged and closed his eyes and let _good _memories rush over him. Between the moment he woke up in Thunderbird Two and up until his grandmother found him he had only been haunted by bad memories of his brothers. Now he let all good wash over him.

Like when Scott taught him how to fly. John had been so scared to let his big brother down because he knew he was not as talented as a pilot as Virgil had been. Neither was he as strong or had the same type of stamina. He was not as brave as Scott and not nearly as confident. He had just known he would crash or let Scott down. But instead of sighing and giving up on him, like dad would have done, Scott just put his hands on John's shoulders. Told him how proud he was of him for daring to do this, told him how brave he was, how strong he was, how smart he was. After they had landed Scott had pulled him into a tight hug and had proclaimed that he had done him proud. When John later got his license Scott had whooped loudly and proclaimed that he had always known John could do it. John also remembered when they were doing simulations for the Thunderbirds how Scott had stood behind him, hands on his shoulders and gently guiding him through all the controls. He had not really needed it because John had helped build l lth computers for the Thunderbirds. He had become a talented astronaut and a good pilot. Not a great one like Scott or Virgil but he could hold his own. Scott had known that, but he had also known that John needed that little extra push to dare take the step and do what they both knew he could do without trouble… if he just took the last step.

Virgil had been the one to introduce John to fantasy novels or rather the one to re-acquaint him with reading altogether. After their mother died John had refused to pick up a book because it had been something their mother had taught him and she had been the one to nourish his love for reading. Virgil had realized John had not been picking up books and had corrected that. He had sat down beside John one day, wrapping an arm loosely around his shoulders and a book in his other hand. He had scoffed and started to read aloud to John with the most stupid voices for each character. He had mixed them up between themselves as well and John had cringed each time it happened. John had snatched the book from him and had started to read aloud to him to prove how it was supposed to be done. When John had finished, he had realized what he had done, and he had broken down. Virgil had just held him and had told him that everything was going to be okay. It had taken some time but most things had been okay. It had also been Virgil who protected him at school. John had always been smart and had been moved up a few years, making him an easy target for bullies. When he got to high school Virgil had been a junior and John a freshman. Virgil had already been on the football team and was already quite popular. He had found out some of the kids, even upper classmen were bullying _his _little brother. He had marched up to one of the bullies… and had broken his jaw, putting a stop to the bullying once and for all. And when John had graduated high school at the age of sixteen Virgil had been the one to cheer loudest of them all and the first one to hug him after he got his diploma. It had also been Virgil who had punched a guy coming on to his little brother when John was at Harvard… only it had been during practice for a play and John had not been uncomfortable or in any danger. John chuckled. Virgil had always been there to protect him, always had and he figured he always would.

Gordon had been John's first little brother and John had remembered meeting him for the first time. John was four years older than Gordon and they didn't really have very much in common, but he loved that little fish with all of his heart. He had been there when Gordon learned to walk and he had been there for Gordon's first word which had been tudle, turtle. John chuckled at the memory. His parents had tried to get Gordon to say mama or dada for hours, felt like it anyway and John had rolled his eyes and had walked up to them. He had asked Gordon to say turtle, turtles had been Gordon's favorite at the time. Gordon had grinned brightly and said tudle. John had also been there to help Gordon recover after his hydrofoil accident. They all had, but John had been Gordon's go to person when things got rough because John was always calm and pushed him just enough. It had also been Gordon that called him up every day just to chat at the early days of International Rescue. John was immensely thankful for that because he would have gone crazy if Gordon hadn't. Nowadays it was mostly Alan who did that but Gordon once a day at least called up to see what John was doing. John and Gordon had also talked for many hours after EOS had nearly killed him that time… which was why EOS didn't like Gordon as much as the others. That and the reason she loved to tease him because Gordon so often teased everyone else.

Now Alan, Alan was all brothers' pride and joy. He was the baby and he was their dearest treasure. Alan had not had the chance to get to know their mother the same way the rest of them did. Gordon was just a year older but he still held memories of her. Alan did not. So John and the others had made it their duty to show him the sides of his mother that were the most important. John was aware that Alan worshipped him, that he was Alan's role model. Scott and Alan may be the most alike in person and spirit but Alan tended to side with John during any discussion. John had a faith in Alan that went beyond that of faith in your brothers. He knew Alan could do anything if he put his mind into it. Well except from beating John in video games. He smirked a little. Alan had never tried to challenge him but when he did, John knew he would, dearest little brother would find that there was one thing his natural talent was useless. John in an virtual world was undefeatable, not that Alan wouldn't put up a fight though. He had the Tracy stubbornness after all, he also had the bravery of all brothers combined. John would be there for Alan in a way the others weren't. They were all for the adventure and danger whereas John was all for taking it slow and analyzing things. Using his brain and not just his brawn. He would help Alan with that because he knew that Alan was smart, he just needed more faith in his abilities. John would made sure he got it, because that is what their mother would have wanted.

"What are you boys doing on the floor!?" an angry voice asked and all five turned their heads to look at their grandmother. She was standing there with hands on her hips and glaring daggers at them. "I told you to get John home and comfortable, not squashed on the floor!"

"It's okay Grandma", John assured.

"Oh no it's not", she scolded. "Now all of you get off the poor boy or he'll get flat."

"Is that your way of calling us fat grandma?" Gordon teased as he and Alan moved off of John and Scott and Virgil carefully hauled their brother to his feet.

"Maybe", she teased and walked over to them. "And my way to tell you to get out of the way." The brothers blinked but then Grandma put her arms around John and hugged him tightly. John hugged her back. She sniffled a little and put a hand to the back of his head, feeling his soft hair. This time it was not caked with dried blood or damp with sweat and blood. It was soft and clean. She sighed and relaxed.

"_Never _scare me like that again kid", she said.

"I promise Grandma", John said. "I'm sorry."

"Oh you better be, don't make me bake you a cake."

John chuckled at that, a watery chuckle telling Grandma her grandson was as choked up as she was. She hugged him tighter and then she heard a sound behind her, footsteps followed by the tapping of a cane. She lifted her head from John's shoulders and noticed all her grandsons stiffen. She turned around and her eyes fell on her son. Jeff was allowed up and moving as long as he used either crutches or a cane. His bones and muscles still had to adapt from being in space so long.

"Welcome home son", Jeff said and John swallowed.

"Thank you sir", he said.

"I… I guess we need to talk."

"Yeah… I guess we do."

* * *

**TBC**

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**Guest who speaks spanish: You are right. It has been coming since TOS.**


	14. Chapter 14

Part 14

The tension in the room was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. Jeff was sitting on one of the couches with his mother beside him along with Alan and Gordon. Scott and Virgil sat opposite them, with John between them. Alan and Gordon kept glancing at their father, then their older brothers and lastly their grandmother. Virgil and Scott looked between John and their father. John and Jeff only had eyes for each other. They were looking at each other so intensely you could almost feel it. Jeff in regret and John trying to fight… something. What it was no one was really sure about. Jeff looked into those blue-green eyes and sighed heavily.

"John", he began, his voice sounding so loud in the quiet room. "I… I am not sure exactly _where _to begin."

"I am", John said, his voice cold and sharp as flint. "Why?"

"Why what exactly?"

"Why did you choose the guys over me? What have I ever done to you?"

"Diving straight into the difficult stuff I see", Jeff said and sighed. "Truth is John… you have never done anything to me… other than looking like your mother and taking after her."

"And you punish me for it?"

"I never meant to. It was just difficult being around you after she died. Lucy was my whole world and when I lost her, I felt I lost everything and then… there you were. Looking just like her and it hurt so much. I figured that if I wanted to save myself from the pain all I could do was… remove what hurt me."

"By pushing me out of the picture", John asked.

"Yes. It was selfish, stupid and downright cruel. It all was. When I realized what I was truly doing it was already too late. I had already pushed you too far away from me. You left… and went places I felt I was not welcomed. After… after missing your NASA graduation I felt I had… I _knew _I was no longer welcome into any part of your life. I had brushed you aside so much that you stopped asking me altogether. I guess I deserved that because the way I treated my own son is not a way people should treat their kids."

"Well then why didn't you try and stop it earlier?" Scott asked before John could. "You knew John had that championship game and you knew he had his graduation, he asked you to come. Why didn't you?"

Jeff sighed heavily. "Because I thought John only asked me to be polite… I was sure he didn't really _want _me there."

"What?" John asked.

"John I knew exactly how I was treating you, how I had always treated you and I was… I was sure you resented me for it. I was certain you just asked me to be part of your biggest achievements just to be polite… that you didn't want me there."

"You didn't think of asking?" John spat. "Why would I ask you to come if I didn't want you there? I would never do something like that!"

"I… didn't know that."

"And that's the whole point isn't it", John spat and got up so fast Virgil and Scott had no time to stop him. "You don't know me, you never got to know me and you didn't bother trying."

"I'm sorry."

"It's a little bit too late for that _dad_", John spat.

"Whoa John easy", Virgil said.

"No Virgil let me speak."

"But you'll say something you'll regret."

"Right now I don't care", John said and took a step forward. "This has been a long time coming."

"Johnny-"

"Virgil", Grandma said softly. "Let John speak."

"But-"

"Virgil", John said sharply. "Stand down." Virgil blinked and sat down again.

"FAB", he said. There was no point arguing with John when he used _that _voice. Gordon was right. John truly was the one in charge of International Rescue. None of them lifted a finger unless they ran it by John first when they were out on missions. John was the coordinator, the one knowing everything and seeing everything. He was in command and he took command now. John walked up to his father and looked down at him.

"I was scared of you", he said and when Jeff looked about to object John raised his hand and stopped him. "I _was _scared of you. Scared of how you would hurt me next. At first it was shunning me in favor for all of my brothers. Then it was acting like I did not even exist. Then it was pushing me as far away as you could and when I reached out… you cut the rope tethering me to you. When you disappeared I had no idea how to feel. I was relieved because finally, finally I could live everyday and not have to worry about how I would get hurt this time. Then shame hit me. How could I be relieved when my father was gone, dead? That was horrible and if my brothers had known they would hate me as much as I was sure you have always hated me… no hate isn't the right word because if you did I would not be here. Resent is a better word for it. You resented me from the start… because I was different. Grandma told me Grandpa didn't understand me because I was so different from the typical 'Tracy boy' as one could be. He got over it. You didn't. You wanted rough and ready, big, bad, born to fight. You wanted tough and steady a son cast in your image. Rotten luck you got me instead."

"John", Jeff began but John cut him off.

"I'm a different kind of man, no good at fitting in", he chuckled. "As almost anyone here can see. I'm a different kind of man a major disappointment", he shrugged. "So different than you wanted me to be. You wanted safe, solid, close to home… You wanted in your footsteps… sons you could be proud of but with me that investment sadly took a loss. What was that you told grandma once? I'm no good at taking charge… a withered branch upon the family tree…"

"You overheard that?" Jeff asked. This had been a few months before Jeff had disappeared.

"Communications is my job", John spat. "And as Gordon told me… I have my nose stuck in _everything _around here."

"Dad", Scott growled but John silenced him with a look. Then he turned his gaze back on Jeff.

"There was something I always wanted to ask you… Would it kill you to be proud of the man I am today?"

"I am… I am proud of all my sons."

"You lie as good as you fly", Scott scoffed.

"Scott", Grandma warned.

"I don't doubt you are proud of us", John said. "Now. But you were not proud of me before because I didn't fit your image… isn't that true dad?"

"You were always different from your brothers and… I must admit that at one point I felt that it was really disappointing. But then I found something… or rather someone gave something to me."

"Who?"

"Your teachers at NASA… they gave me a summary of all your assignments, your tests, your achievements and as I read through it I realized that I had really messed up… I had missed out on something, someone really special. And then when your grandmother showed me the recording of you winning that gold… my heart burnt with longing and regret. That smile on your face, I would never be allowed to see it. Never."

"Because it hurts everyone when I smile", John spat.

"It shouldn't have been that way."

"Well I can't help I was born with it!"

"That's not what I meant John, I meant I should not have… I should have dealt with that better. I should have accepted that you look like your mother and celebrate that instead of shunning you for it. Be happy that someone looks like her and that she has not fully left me because I have all my boys. Instead I pushed you away for it and it is not okay. And… and for that I am sorry John."

"I know… but it is a little too late for 'sorry'. I don't know if I can ever forgive you for this."

"I understand that but… would you… could you… try?"

"I'm not sure if that is possible dad", John admitted. "You broke my heart, you broke my trust… you destroyed me in and out. Ever since mom dad I have felt unwanted… a constant cause of pain for everyone around me. When I was away things were good, things were great even. Talking to everyone over the phone or holograms was great… because I wouldn't cause anyone pain or misery by just being here."

"Johnny that's not true", Gordon hurriedly said. "We love it when you are around… we miss you when you're not."

"Until I smile", John said. "Or until the light hits my face the wrong way… until I look too much like mom." He scoffed. "I've tried to change, have tried to not look like her as much. Step one was to stop smiling… stop looking happy. If I felt the need to smile and show joy… I did it to a minimum. I tiny smile instead of a real one. Step two was staying out of the way. Step three was pushing everyone away and locking myself way. I'm still working on step four."

"Step four is forgetting all the other steps", Grandma said and looked up at her grandson. "John I am sorry if I have ever made you felt that you can't be yourself around me because it would make me sad. I should have dealt with my own feelings, not putting the blame on you."

"Same here Johnny", Scott said and John turned to him. "It was not right but I did it anyway. I guess I just couldn't handle missing mom."

"None of us could and it was wrong on so many levels", Virgil growled. "It was not wrong to miss her but it was wrong to put the blame on you, even though at least your brothers did it subconsciously."

"Yeah I mean we should've been happy you look like mom", Gordon said. "It helps us not to forget what she looks like and that you act like her at times as well is also great. I mean pictures and home videos are one thing but… seeing it in real life is so much better…" the last was added in a small whisper.

"I-it gives me the chance to see why e-everyone thinks she was so great too", Alan whispered. "I don't remember much about m-mom but…"

"Come here Allie", John said and held his arms open, Alan all but tackles him in a tight hug and John hugged him back. "I'm here. I'm not gone."

"But you were", Alan whimpered. "And… and you nearly died! You nearly left us for good!" John held his arm out and Gordon joined the hug. Jeff was astonished, he had not noticed Gordon being in distress either. Sure he had noticed both boys being upset about not being allowed to go to the hospital and being upset about not being allowed to talk to John that much. Jeff understood why. John had in a way tried to commit suicide. Now he had not been committed anywhere because it had not been fully willingly. That order from the Hood about destroying himself had still been jumping around in his brain and if John had tried to fight it he would have to follow the other order, the final one. The one where the Hood had ordered him to murder his brothers. So for John it had been a forced choice between suicide and murder. John had chosen what spared his brothers, not willingly but at the time he had not been able to see any other way out. Was all his sons so willing to die for others? Of course they were, why else would they join International Rescue? He sighed heavily. Was he like the Hood? Forcing his sons into situations that could lead to their deaths? He had read missions report that his mother had provided him with. His sons had been near death multiple times… to save lives.

"Promise you'll never do it again!" Alan's voice cut through his musings. "Please John!"

"Allie I promise I will never try to hurt myself again", John soothed.

"Promise you won't leave!"

"I can't promise that because of what we do. I can promise to do my best to not leave."

"Works for me", Gordon said. "We need you Spaceman."

"Not really", John said.

"Do we need to have a talk like we did in space?" Gordon challenged.

"No no", John said and laughed softly. "Having you be the smart and insightful one is scary Gordon."

"Oi!"

"Just kidding kiddo", John said and hugged his little brothers closer with a smile. Jeff saw it then and at once felt the bang of sorrow. He saw his Lucy. He sighed and lowered his head. The sigh had not gone unnoticed by John.

"Stop that father", he said and all eyes were on him.

"What?" Jeff asked.

"I get it, you miss mom", John went on and let go of his brothers. "But everyone just said how bad and wrong it is to act all sad around me for it. So. Stop. It."

"I'm sorry John", Jeff said.

"You said so before."

"I know and I don't think that it will matter how many times I say it. It will not make up for all the hurt I have caused you through the years. You have suffered because of me."

"I know."

"And it was not right and isn't right. I think it was just easier for me to distance myself."

"Easier for you maybe", Scott spat. "Didn't you even stop to think about what it would do to John?"

"In all honesty no", Jeff said and his sons, except John, stared at him. "I was very selfish, I know. I was just so relieved that I could chose to spend time with my other sons and that John didn't appear to mind."

"But I did mind", John said. "I minded a lot."

"I didn't… I didn't want to see it that way. As I said I thought you didn't want me in your life."

"When I grew up I really didn't but as a kid all I wanted was for my dad to be proud of me… to see me. See me for who I am, not what I appear to be."

"That is something all children wants", Grandma said. "And should not have to ask for… Jeff. I know you know that you have done wrong here, a lot of wrong but John… you know that _you _as well could have put a stop to it."

"I know", John said and sighed. "Blame is a double-edged sword. I could have called you out on it a long time ago but I didn't. I could have objected, demanded that you saw me… tried to make you notice me more forcefully… to be honest with you. We are both to blame for it going this far."

"We all are", Grandma said. "I noticed it but never spoke up because I thought it was something between you two, I think it was the same for your brothers."

"In all honesty grandma", Scott said. "I never noticed. I was so wrapped up in my own life and in looking after Fish and Rocket over there to notice."

"I think no one noticed", Virgil said. "John has always been good at hiding his hurt and dad just…"

"I never acted my worst when you were all around", Jeff said. "I didn't make it obvious that I favored all of you over John. But I did. I willingly chose to spend time with the others over John. Even when he asked, I chose the others over him. I favored them." A sniffle interrupted him. All eyes turned to John. The redhead was looking out the windows at the ocean. Tears were slowly tracking down his cheeks.

"He admitted it" John whispered softly. "He finally admitted it so that everyone can hear…" it was the same words he had said aboard the Zero XL. Only this time they were not shouted out in a mad sort of way, hysterical. Now they were so soft they ere barely heard. Virgil was across the room in a heartbeat. He pulled John into a tight hug and Alan and Gordon joined in. Scott did the same, wrapping his arms around all four of them. John broke down within their arms. What he always had wanted was for Jeff to say those words out loud. He had done it a few times today, but he finally said he had favored the others over him. Everyone was finally hearing what their father had really been like. They could finally see it! John felt his brother release him and then his grandmother was there, hugging him around the neck. She had to stand on her toes to reach and John bent down a little.

"I'm sorry kid", she whispered. "I'm sorry I never saw it."

"We're sorry too Johnny", Scott spoke for all brothers. "We're so, so sorry."

"Can you forgive us?" Virgil asked softly. John just nodded. "Now for the hard question… can you ever forgive dad?" The room became completely quiet and all eyes turned to Jeff Tracy, even John's. Jeff swallowed, got up… and slowly left the room.

* * *

**TBC**

**Thanks for all reviews! Sorry for the wait, I rewrote this chapter like five times :P **

**Disclaimer: **

**This part: **You wanted rough and ready, big, bad, born to fight. You wanted tough and steady a son cast in your image. Rotten luck you got me instead. I'm a different kind of man, no good at fitting in. As almost anyone here can see. I'm a different kind of man a major disappointment. So different than you wanted me to be. You wanted safe, solid, close to home… You wanted in your footsteps… sons you could be proud of but with me that investment sadly took a loss. I'm no good at taking charge… a withered branch upon the family tree…" **is taken from a song by Michael Patrick Walker, performed by Telly Leung and Michael Arden. Go check it out if you want.**


	15. Chapter 15

Part 15

"What the hell!?" Gordon yelled. "He just left!?"

"Gordon", John began.

"No! I mean come on! He just left in the middle of this very important moment!"

"Gordon."

"How can he just do that?"

"Gordon", John said sharply. "It's okay."

"No it isn't! He's doing it again! Acting like you mean less Johnny!"

"Maybe he just… needs some time to think?" Alan asked, he was still hugging John.

"Then why is he running away!?"

"Because he is scared", Grandma said and sighed. "He's afraid of John's answer. I'll talk to him, alone. You boys get something to eat, I'll be back soon." She left too.

"But-"

"Gordon", Scott said gently. "Let it go for now, let Grandma talk to him."

"But it's just-"

"Gordon", John said and all eyes were on him. "Leave it for now… I need a break too because I need to think."

"Because you don't know the answer either?" Alan asked and John smiled.

"When did you get so smart?" he asked and Alan grinned and cuddled closer to his brother's side. John smiled and put his arm firmly around his youngest brother.

"John!" a childlike voice suddenly shouted and a hologram of EOS appeared.

"Hi EOS", John said and smiled. The brothers watched the exchange.

"You lied to me", EOS said in a small voice.

"I know EOS, I'm sorry."

"You told me you would come straight home and that things would get back to normal as soon as your dad was rescued… you didn't come back at once."

"I know EOS, I am very sorry for lying to you. At the time I had no idea that we would run into the Hood."

"And you nearly died!"

"I did", John said and looked at his arm. "To protect my brothers."

"What about me? You promised to always protect me."

"I did and I will. If I had killed my brothers the Hood would have gotten what he wanted, the utter destruction of International Rescue. I would have been put in jail, IR would have been shut down and you would have been left all alone. I could not risk that, I never want you to be all alone again. I knew that if I died instead IR would be safe and I knew my brothers would look after you, you would not have been alone. I protected them so that they could protect you. But I'm sorry I lied EOS, believe me I never meant for it to go this way. Can you forgive me?"

"You promised to get back as soon as you could…"

"I did and I still do. I'm not allowed to go to space yet but as soon as I am able I will come back to you. I missed you too."

"Can't I come down?"

"It depends on-"

"Of course you can EOS", Scott cut in and everyone stared at him. "As long as you stay in the island systems and don't go _anywhere _else."

"I promise", EOS said happily. "I'll monitor rescues still and… and I'll make sure all systems are working as they should and… and… and I can hang out with Max."

"Max?" Virgil asked amused.

"He's nice…"

"You do that EOS", John said fondly. "I'm sure Max will love the company. I also think Brains would love to see him interact with another intelligence, not just human intelligence. But I hope you'll not forget to talk to me too."

"I don't want to", EOS huffed and John chuckled.

"EOS."

"No you lied to me."

"Well you just talked to me so I guess I win." Silence met him. He sighed. "EOS I truly am sorry. I never meant to lie to you, I didn't _want _to lie to you. It was out of my hands. You're my partner, my friend and you are right. Friends are not meant to lie to friends, but this was out of my hands. So can you find it in your processors to forgive me?" Silence again. "EOS?"

"You got hurt…" EOS replied in a small voice.

"I did."

"I could have helped."

"I know you could, is that why you are upset? Because you feel guilty? Oh… EOS this was nothing like our first meeting."

"That was my fault and this was too!"

"How? I asked you to stay back here and keep an eye on things. I asked you to stay out of harm's way because I could not risk losing you in deep space. How could you have known the Hood would attack us?"

"I would have noticed him… and I would have noticed you trying to hack the systems. I would have stopped you sooner, before things got out of hand."

"I know you would, but as grandma said… this was in a way needed."

"Because you and your father needed to talk about it?"

"Yes and my brothers needed to know. Believe me I rather they didn't because I never wanted them to lose their view on dad."

"But you need it to feel good again", EOS said. "To… heal?"

"Exactly. You pick up fast."

"Family is good for you… unless it is a shitty one."

"Okay who taught you to be a potty-mouth?"

"Alan and Gordon."

"What!?" the two blondes exclaimed.

"They taught me many good words when you were at that party with Penelope. My favorite is-"

"Don't say it EOS or Grandma will clean your processors with soap", Virgil teased.

"Only if she can catch me!"

"Don't put it past her", Scott chuckled. "Grandma has her ways."

"Not around the kitchen."

"EOS!" John laughed. "Don't let her hear you say that!"

"You five always do."

"Yes but I want to protect you from her spatula."

"But she isn't good at cooking."

"No she really isn't."

"Maybe I could find her an online course…"

"You do that EOS and go talk to Max. I'm sure he's waiting for you."

"Thank you John and you're forgiven." She blinked out and John chuckled. He looked at his brothers and they smiled back. "Kids."

"Never thought our first niece would be a murderous AI", Gordon said and laughed.

"About that", John said and crossed his arms. "Who told you it was okay to teach her curse words?"

"Uh… Allie?"

"Yeah Gordon", Alan asked.

"Run?"

"Uh huh." Both boys fled and the oldest three brothers laughed. At least things between them were not awkward or changed. John looked in the direction his father and grandmother had disappeared. He sighed. He knew things would be different between his father and him now… and between his father and brothers. They had all have this image of Jeff Tracy as the perfect father, caring, strong and brave. Now they had gotten to see the father John had been forced to accept. John didn't really know how to feel. He was happy that things were finally out in the open. He was relieved that things would probably change for the better. He felt guilty for causing so much distress around her and… he felt sad. He had torn up the image his brothers of their father… had torn it apart and crushed it underneath his heel. To them Jeff Tracy had always been the amazing father. Attentive, caring, brave, strong and just. Now that image was gone forever… had John ruined their relationship with their father as well? He felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped in surprise. He noticed Scott and Virgil watch him worriedly. He gave them a tired smile and opened his mouth, but Virgil cut him off.

"Don't lie", he said. "You're obviously not okay, getting there but not okay."

"What's eating at you Johnny?" Scott asked gently.

"Guilt mostly", John replied and sat down on the couch, his brothers sitting down on each side of him.

"What do you have to feel guilty about?" Virgil asked.

"Ruining everything with dad."

"Hey he did that to himself", Scott said and wrapped an arm around John's shoulders. "Sure our relationship with him will change too after this, but it is for the best. Because now you won't be hurting, now you won't be suffering and I can live with that."

"But you all had such good relationships with dad… I ruined that."

"No John, dad did that", Virgil said. "He never should have picked favorites, he never should have pushed you aside."

"It's not all his fault… it's mine too for not speaking up. I just… I didn't want to be a bother. You had your hands full with the terror twins and each other. I just… I didn't want to add to your worries."

"John", Scott said. "You would never have been a bother, hell you can't be a bother."

"Of course I can, everyone can", John said. "I just… I saw how happy you all were. How much you loved dad and how much he loved you in return. I didn't want to take that from you, but in the end I did it anyway."

"Not really", Virgil said gently. "I mean I'm still angry… no _upset _with dad for doing what he did but I still love him. I mean… he's still our dad and I would not wish for another one. Do I wish he, you, we had acted different in the past to spare us all this discomfort and awkwardness? Yes. Do I at the same time not wish it? Yes because my memories of dad are so good. Is it selfish? Hell yes but still… I love those memories and I love dad."

"I feel the same way", Scott said. "Would I change the past? In a heartbeat. Would I hesitate? Yes because like Virgil I have treasured memories of my time with dad. But change them to have made your life better? No hesitation there Johnny. Do I still love the guy? Of course I do. I'm disappointed in him, I don't hate him. I'm upset with him."

"You should be upset with me too", John objected. "I mean, I never did anything to show I was suffering and was unhappy. I should have told someone but didn't! I should have stood up for myself, should have put my foot down. Why are you so upset with dad and not with me?"

"Because you were a kid", Virgil said and hugged John close. "Dad is the parent. He should have known better. I'm a little hurt that you never told us Johnny but I understand why you didn't. You thought we wouldn't believe you and I think you would have been right. We would not. The only reason I believed you now was dad admitting to it and me _really _thinking about what you said and what our childhood was like. I was so sure you had misunderstood or was lying but when I really thought about it I saw it… you were telling the truth and then some."

"I needed to get blown out of the airlock to see sense", Scott said. "I admit that I can be a bit of an idiot at times, don't you dare." He pointed at both of them when Virgil and John were about to give a witty remark. "I need time to think things through, time to cool down and be rational. But I as well saw that every word you said was true. When dad admitted it I was in denial, it could not have been true. Our dad could not have been that shitty to his own son. But he was and I had missed it. I guess I was mostly angry at myself for having missed my little brother suffering. I'm the oldest, I should know when my brothers are hurt or suffering… it made me feel so guilty. Just like when EOS attacked you. It took Penny being suspicious for us to even realize something was wrong."

"It was a good fake", John said.

"Yeah but we _should _have noticed the difference John."

"You did in the end."

"When it was almost too late!"

"Scott it's okay", John said and moved out of Virgil's arms to hug Scott. "I forgave you for that a long time ago and I never, _ever _resented any of you for not noticing I was hurting. I did all I could to keep it from you because I wanted you to be happy. I'm not surprised you didn't realize it was me from the get got that time. I had been pulling away from everyone for years. I made sure you didn't know me as well as you know the others. Because I thought that would spare you all so much discomfort."

"Because you look and act so much like mom", Virgil said and rubbed John's ginger hair softly. "God…"

"What?" Scott asked and John looked at Virgil as well.

"It's just… we were losing you Johnny", Virgil said. "We were losing you and didn't even know it… we didn't even notice. Sure we noticed you not being around so much, but we didn't notice that we were losing you."

"I know", John soothed and took Virgil's hand. Virgil clung to it. "It was my plan though… I'm sneaky like that. I pulled away so slowly that you wouldn't notice."

"And we didn't", Scott said and sighed. "We are the worst."

"You really aren't Scott", John soothed. "I could not have asked for better brothers. You four are the most important thing in my life. I have the best brothers in the world."

"How can you say that?" Virgil asked. "How can you say that when we didn't even notice you were hurting and that we were losing you!?"

"Because it's true", John stated firmly. "You are the best brothers. Scott is my guardian."

"I am?" Scott asked.

"Of course you are. You are strong, athletic, brave, charming, outgoing and loyal. You always stand up for what you believe in. It doesn't matter what it is or who we are facing, you always stick to your ideals and do what you can to protect strangers and family alike. You're a guardian Scott, the sentinel keeping watchful eyes on all of your brothers."

"But I messed up when it came to you, so many times."

"You had no idea of knowing."

"Like with EOS."

"You figured it out in the end."

"Yeah but nearly too late."

"You saved me when the hotel fell."

"Because Kayo called me, I was nearly too late again."

"Scott you're not omnipotent. How could you have known? When it really matters you make sure that we are all safe. Like when Ridley tricked me into saving her station!"

"I was scared for you… I… I didn't think you could do it."

"No you were _scared _I couldn't do it. You didn't doubt my skills, you were just worried something would go wrong. Like it always does when we deal with Fischler. In the end everything was fine. Scott no one is perfect but you have done so much for me without even realizing. It was _you _who taught me to fly. You and Virgil protected me from bullies at school and monsters under the bed. Not because you had to, because you wanted to and that is the difference here. Dad didn't want to. You did."

"But John", Virgil cut in. "Why don't you resent us? I mean dad chose us over you openly, at least to you it was openly. I mean he came to a rather unimportant football match instead of seeing you win a world championship! How can you not hate me for that?"

"Because I love you Virgil", John said. "You didn't know. Dad didn't tell you."

"I don't get how you could still trust me or even like me after that."

"Because you are my rock Virgil."

"What?"

"You're my rock. Scott has always been more vocal in his wish to protect this family. You do it silently and from the background. You're strong, calm, levelheaded, safe… I can always count on you to pull through _anything_. Whenever a distress call comes in and I need to send someone out alone I send you, you're my first choice because I know you won't take any unnecessary risks." Both brothers looked at Scott. Scott blushed and grumbled something bout cheeky younger brothers under his breath. "You're my rock Virgil because I can always count on you to carry me through anything… you'll always support me."

"But I missed you hurting", Virgil whispered.

"Because I hid it so well."

"I didn't go looking."

"I didn't ask you too or signaled for you to."

"I still should have known."

"You're not omnipotent either Virgil. How could you have noticed!? I made sure you saw everyone else and not me. Virgil you are my rock! My safe foundation! Virgil, you and Scott are the dynamic duo in everything. When you are on the job Virgil I don't have to worry as much because I know you will listen to reason! You are my rock and my safe haven!" Virgil flung his strong arms around him in a bearhug.

"And you are my saving grace", he said and John blinked.

"Huh?"

"I always know that there is a way out when you are on the other line", Virgil went on. "Just your voice can calm me down. You always have a solution Johnny. We couldn't do any of this without you."

"I agree", Scott said.

"We do too!" Gordon said as he and Alan made their presence clear. They had dared sneak back to the room when they realized no one was coming after them. They had heard John's words about Virgil and Scott. The two blondes sat on the table in front of the oldest three and grinned at them. John chuckled.

"Of course you do sunshine", he said gently.

"Who?" Alan and Gordon asked.

"Gordon", John said and Gordon blushed. "Don't blush because it's true Gordy. You are my sunshine. Your horrible jokes and not so frustrating pranks always pick me right up when I need it the most. Your bad jokes, witty comments and kindhearted mishaps always puts a smile on my face. I know people think you are stupid Gordy but you are far from it. Between us all I think you have the best intuition. I mean, how else did you know that firing missiles at the Hadron Collider would work? You just did it and you were right. You also just _knew _that you would need a lot of equipment at that forsaken tomb you, Penny and Parker went into. You just knew that you would need that stuff and it turned out you were right again. You always try to lighten mood, therefore you are my sunshine."

"I thought I only caused you guys more trouble than I'm worth", Gordon said and stared at John with big eyes. "That I have the worst sense of judgment ever!"

"That's _not _true!" John said sharply. "Sure Gordy you can be rash and often act before you think but you are still my sunshine and damn good at your job. You lighten the darkest of moods, you always want to find a solution and always want to help! You are not bound by inside-the-box-thinking like me! You are flexible, impulsive and openminded! You think outside the box and you are just a ray of hope and sunshine! You made it back from that hydrofoil accident! You didn't even let your recent brush with death and danger slow you down! You are one of the strongest people I know and one of the bravest! You are my sunshine! Just like in that old song! You make me happy when skies are grey!"

"You… you really mean that Johnny?"

"Every. Single. Word." John said firmly and found he had a lap full of Gordon the next second. He chuckled and hugged his little brother close. "Never doubt yourself Gordy, you can always do it."

"You are the best", Gordon sniffled. "The absolute best."

"Thanks", John chuckled.

"So", Alan asked in a small voice. "Scott is your guardian, Virgil your rock and Gordon is your sunshine… what am I then?"

"My star", John said and smiled at him. "My hope, my dreams, my promise, my faith, my conviction, my savior, my backup, my protégé, my student, my fan and my ally. I can always count on you when it matters Alan. You are still young but you hold the promise of a bright future. I know that no matter how great you will become you will always be my little brother and will always turn to me for guidance. Scott is my eyes and ears on the ground, my judgment. Virgil is the solider I send out to save the world. Gordon is my secret weapon and Alan you are my ace. Alan you are my ace, my last resort and my most powerful card. My best choice and my advantage."

"How can you have so much faith in us", Alan asked and looked at his toes.

"Because I believe in you. I trust you and I know that when I send you out… the world is in safe hands." He found himself in the middle of a group hug again.

"Virgil is right though Johnny", Scott whispered in his ear. "You are our saving grace."

"Thanks Scott", John chuckled.

"Um John", Alan asked.

"Yeah?"

"Um while we wait for grandma… do you wanna play a game with me?"

"Which one", John asked and Virgil noticed an almost predatory glint in his eyes.

"Cavern Quest!" Alan said with a bright grin.

"Pft you got anything more challenging?"

"That is the hardest game I have!"

"Uh huh…" John said dryly and moved Gordon off his lap. "Give me that controller." Alan obeyed and John brought out his own gaming archive. Gordon and Alan gaped in awe. John handed out five controllers. Scott and Virgil looked dubious.

"You too", John told them and reached for the holo-goggles. "Okay put your gear on." His brothers followed orders and John started the game. "Okay in this game we will wake up on a carriage with other prisoners. The carriage will take us to a fort where we are to be executed but before that can happen a black dragon appears and…" John's explanation drifted through the house as he started the game, pulling his brothers into his world for once instead of pushing them out.

* * *

**TBC**

**Thanks for all reviews! This chapter did not end up as I planned but I felt it was necessary. Oh! Bonus points for the people who knows what game John/I am REALLY describing at the end.**

**To Spanish-talking reviewer - Gracias por tus palabras ambilidades. Um that is as far as my Spanish knowledge goes and I am pretty sure I messed up. I haven't studied Spanish since 2009 :/ I appreciate your words and I agree with you. **

**To AngelMouse5 - Thanks! It means a lot that you say that because I really enjoy YOUR stories. **


	16. Chapter 16

Part 16

Sally found her son in his room. Jeff was sitting on the bed, holding a picture frame in his hand. Without even looking she knew exactly which picture it was he was looking at. The last one taken of the entire family, a week before the accident that claimed the life of his wife and father. She walked in and sat beside him and looked at the picture. She said nothing. She knew her son would speak when he was ready. Jeff heaved a huge sigh and rubbed his thumb over his wife lovingly.

"She would be very disappointed in me", he said.

"She would be angry", Sally replied. "Angry that you let it go this far and disappointed in you not taking action."

"I didn't know how…"

"You did, you were just too afraid. All you had needed to do Jefferson was walk up to him and say: 'We need to talk son'."

"It's not that easy mother."

"It is exactly that easy."

"It really isn't… Scott I understand. Virgil I understand, Gordon too and I think I understand Alan. But John? I've never understood him. I don't know how to approach him. How do you approach someone you have hurt so badly?"

"I suggest you start with: 'hello son'."

"Mom it's not that simple."

"It really is son. Ever since Lucy died all John has wanted is the love and respect of his father. The love and respect you have given all the others without hesitation. Tell me, why is John so different from them? Don't tell me it's just his looks and your fear of his intellect."

"I'm not afraid of his intellect."

"No I guess not, but you are afraid of looking stupid. You always have been. John is too smart for you."

"Geez thanks mom."

"It's true. John is smart, smarter than all his brothers combined. But he is still a young man. He is still a son. He has the same need for love, respect and care as the others do."

"And I robbed him of that."

"That you did."

"I don't know how to fix it. A broken ship I could fix… broken toys as well. I could fix any disagreement with the others because I understand their way of thinking… I… I'm afraid I will never… that it won't be… that I just _can't _fix my relationship with John. I have hurt him so much… beyond repair even."

"No, not beyond repair. Because if you had he would not have gone out to help rescue you. He would not have cried over you going missing. He would not have tried to make you proud even when you were not here to see him. If it was beyond repair, he would not have come to help you get this organization going. He would have flipped you the bird and walked out of _our _lives."

"No because his brothers were here."

"And his father."

"Mom…"

"Don't you mom me Jefferson. John loves you. He might not know why, he might not understand how he can but he does. The boys told me you had a wonderful group hug when you were brought back to the ship. If John had not loved you he would have stayed back, would not have hugged you. He would not have tried to find you. He would not have brought all this out. True the Hood forced his hand, brought it out faster. John not denying any of it, John letting all his walls down out there before shows me and the others that he wants to _try_ to fix things. He's holding the door open for you."

"And I slammed it in his face the moment I walked out on him again…"

"He defended you."

"What?"

"Gordon was upset about you walking out, John defended you."

"He is too good for the likes of me."

"That he is, don't look at me like that we both know you wanted that answer from me. Jeff", she took her son's hand. "John is not that much different from his brothers. What hurts them hurts him too. He is the same as you or I. He is just quieter, more hesitating… calmer. He may not be the thrill seeker Alan and Scott are or the adventurer Gordon is, but he has the same lust for danger as all his brothers. He along with Virgil just have a better hold on their cravings. Your boys take after you, all five of them."

"But John is so much like her… so much like my Lucy."

"I see her in all five of them. In Scott's protectiveness. In Virgil's arts and music. In John's heart. In Gordon's sense of humor and his smile. In Alan's need to help. She is in _all _of them Jeff. Just because John looks like her as well makes it harder for anyone. Look, you are all alpha males" Jeff gave her a look. "Stop looking at me like that son because you know I am right. You, Scott and Alan are the worst though. John is more subdued, but his alpha side comes out during rescues. You _don't_ say the word no to John during a rescue. If he tells you to do something you_ better _do it. He takes after me", she looked quite smug. "He is always right."

"But he's so… quiet, timid… careful."

"Because someone has to be. He can be rash and impulsive if he feels the need to be. You just need to find level footing."

"How mom?"

"I can't answer that for you dear", she patted his hand. "Just know that out there you have five amazing sons that all want to make you proud. Instead of hiding from one of them… embrace them _all_. All their quirks, their dreams, their personalities and ideals. If you don't… if you cannot mend bridges with John I fear you are now risking to lose more than one son."

"I can't lose any of them mother."

"Then get your but in gear mister. Before it's too late." She got up and left the room. Leaving Jeff to his thoughts. He looked at the pictures on his nightstand. It held four pictures where there should be five. He saw a picture of a five-year-old Scott with a baseball bat on his shoulder, off to his first practice. Next to that was a picture of twelve-year-old Virgil covered in paints, full focus on the papers in front of him. On the other side of the first picture was a picture of three-year-old Gordon with a huge grin on his face, sitting in a tub… having the time of his life. Next to that was a picture of baby Alan sleeping on Jeff's shoulder. Why did he not have a picture of John… oh wait he knew where that on was. He opened the drawer and found it in the bottom. It was a picture of eight-year-old John sitting on his grandfather's lap in front of a _really _old computer. John's eyes were wide in amazement and Grant Tracy looked amused. Jeff sighed and put the picture amongst the others. He had even driven John from his bedside table… what kind of father was he!? He looked out the window. If Lucy had been here this would never have happened. She would had made sure he treated all sons equally. His father would probably have smacked him, _hard_. Come to think of it… _Lee _of all people _had _smacked him once. But that was more about _all _boys and not just John. Jeff looked around the room. He couldn't hide in here forever. These last eight years he had prayed every day to come back to his sons, all five of them. He had wanted to wrap his arm around Scott's shoulders and congratulate him on a job well done. He had wanted to be able to see Virgil's paintings firsthand and listen to Virgil creating beautiful music. He had wanted to hear Gordon's laughter and watch his son's face light up by just the mentioning of the ocean. He had wanted to pull his youngest into a hug and watch him graduate high school just like all the others… except when John graduated, he had been on a mission. Damn, another thing he had to apologize for. Wait… that was what he had prayed for. To see John again, pull him close and ask for forgiveness. He wanted his sons back in his life… so why was he in here hiding away from all of them? No. No Jeff Tracy was not a coward. He wasn't! He took a deep breath and put the family photo on the side table. Then he got up and headed for the door. He had to just man up and grab the bull by the horns!

* * *

When he came out to the living room he saw his five sons using goggles and controllers to play a game. Gordon and Scott seemed to be panicking, while Virgil laughed hysterically. Alan was looking a bit red in the face as he concentrated. John looked calm… at least his manners was calm and his mouth was just smiling fondly. Jeff looked at the holo-screen in the middle and saw that the boys were fighting a dragon… or rather John and Alan still were. What appeared to be Scott, Gordon and Virgil lay on the ground.

"It shouldn't be this difficult!" Alan exclaimed as the dragon nearly roasted him. "John!"

"What are you yelling at me for", John asked. "I told you guys we should have done some side quests before we went for the main one."

"I didn't think it would be this difficult!"

"We have an iron sword and a hunter's bow", John remarked.

"Well you got magic do something!"

"I only know novice spells. If you want I can switch characters but that would mean restarting the game… or leaving you to die."

"Can't you hack into it and replace your character?!"

"You want me to cheat?"

"I don't want to die."

"Uh Alan you just did", Scott said.

"What!? No!" Jeff chuckled as he watched the dragon bite down on 'Alan's' head and flinging him out of sight.

"All yours Johnny!" Gordon said.

"Well thank you", John said dryly. "Now let's see here… I haven't played this in a while. I need to get him down so that the guards can help me… ah ha!" John's character dashed into a crumbling tower and he started firing fire balls at the dragon. It didn't do much damage but when it landed the guards swarmed it and helped.

"Shit out of mana", John said and Jeff watched him switch from magic to a bow. John fired arrows rapidly. After a couple of more minutes the dragon was dead. John saved the game and ended it. "Now how's _that _for a challenge Allie?" he asked as he removed his goggles.

"No fair!" Alan whined and did the same. Virgil laughed and did it too. Scott and Gordon followed. "Oh hi dad!" All eyes turned to Jeff. Jeff smiled and hobbled over.

"What were you doing?" he asked.

"Getting slaughtered", Virgil remarked. "Well John didn't but he's a champion."

"Unfair advantage I say", Gordon said.

"Oh yeah?" John asked and Jeff noticed a predatory grin on his face. "Wanna go one on one with me?"

"No", Gordon squeaked and their brothers laughed. Jeff sat down on the sofa and looked at John. John noticed of course, they all did. Jeff sighed.

"John", he said. "I really don't know where to begin but a very wise woman told me that the easiest would be to start with… hello."

"Hello dad", John replied, looking a little confused.

"John I… I have done wrong by you on so many levels that I really don't know where to start apologizing. I could start from the beginning and apologize for pushing you aside or for distancing myself from you… for being afraid of your intellect or rather you thinking me stupid. But I guess I should start with: Son I am _so _sorry for wishing you dead. I was drunk and that is not an excuse. I was grieving too and was not thinking clear. I admit I did wish for your mother back then and a few times before but now… now I want nothing more than having my son's love and respect again. John I… son I love you. You are not just Lucille's son. You are _my _son too. I know I have never said it out loud or if I have I have not done so enough. John you and your brothers are my everything and there is nothing I regret more than wishing you dead because if you had died I would have lost the chance of getting to know the amazing young man you have become. All of my sons are amazing and I only have myself to blame for missing out on your amazingness. If you cannot forgive me for wishing you dead I understand. It's not something one just can forgive in a heartbeat. I will make it up to you I swear. I don't know exactly how… but I swear that I will try. Will… will you give me that chance?" All eyes went from Jeff to John this time and this time… John got no chance to reply because all of a sudden his legs gave out underneath him and he would have hit his head on the table if Virgil had not caught him.

* * *

**TBC**

**Thanks for all reviews! I promise it will not be something too horrible that caused the ending.**


	17. Chapter 17

Part 17

"Johnny!" Alan and Gordon exclaimed.

"Relax I'm fine", John said.

"You just collapsed", Scott said. "You are not fine!"

"It's just been a bit much", John said.

"I'll say", Virgil said. "Your doctor said to take it _easy_. I guess having a heart-to-heart, getting emotional, experiencing fast-moving VR and being shocked so much today has not been good for you. For heaven's sake Johnny you just had brain surgery!"

"I did not… they just removed those disks."

"Which were connected to your _brain_", Virgil said and got John up and onto the couch again. "Now just lay back and rest for a bit."

"Fine… worrywart."

"You just be quiet", Virgil said without malice. John chuckled and closed his eyes. Grandma hurried over and put a blanket over him. Then she leaned down and kissed his forehead gently. Jeff and the others relaxed when they understood it was nothing too seriously wrong this time.

"Let's go eat something", Grandma said. "Let him sleep for a bit." She grabbed Virgil's arm and started leading him to the kitchen. "I've been cooking all day."

"Great", Virgil squeaked, and the others followed. When they got to the table they turned because they had not heard Jeff moving after them. When they looked back, they saw him sitting on the sofa next to John, holding his limp hand and watching him sleep. Grandma smiled gently; Jeff was doing what he should have done many times in the past. When Scott as about to protest she swatted his arm and dragged him and Virgil along with her to the table. Scott dared not complain.

Jeff watched his sleeping son with a soft smile on his lips. All his sons looked so much younger and innocent when they slept, and they all slept so differently. Alan slept all over the place, sometimes on the floor or in a chair or on a bed or in a bed. Yes, there was a clear difference. Gordon buried himself in a cocoon of blankets and when he was little, he often got stuck in them. Virgil slept like the dead, snoring like a chainsaw. Scott slept well… military like. He stayed completely still and barely made a sound. It was as if he was standing at attention even in sleep. John had always been a light sleeper. The smallest sound would wake him. He usually slept on his side and curled into a ball if it was cold. Right now, he was on his back, one arm across his stomach above the blanket he had been tucked in with and Jeff holding the other hand. Usually that would have woken John up, but not now.

"Jeff Tracy", a childlike voice said and Jeff jumped and turned to the holo-screen. He saw a strange logo there. He had read the mission reports and knew what or rather _who _it was that was talking to him.

"Yes that's me", he said politely. "You are the AI living in Thunderbird 5?"

"Correct I am the entity you describe, my name is EOS."

"Is see… why did you choose the name EOS?"

"Eos is the name of the Greek goddess of daybreak and dawn. I am the dawn… I am EOS."

"John created you."

"Partially corrected. I originated from code he wrote but I evolved on my own."

"And then you tried to kill him."

"I thought he was hunting me, trying to hurt me or get rid of me. I only defended myself. It as a mistake and John has forgiven me for it. I do believe that so has Brains, Grandma, Alan and Gordon."

"Not Scott or Virgil?"

"No. Scott is very protective of his family. I nearly destroyed two of his younger brothers. He will never forgive me for that, but he trusts me to not try again. I won't. Virgil is the same, just less hostile towards me. I like Alan. Gordon is messy."

"I see… and what about me? What do you think of me?"

"I am not sure. I have asked John about you and he has told me things I could find online if I wanted. When I asked what you were really like he didn't want to reply. It upset him."

"He never told you about how I treated him?"

"He did, not in so many words but I found a psychological study that fitted in on him pretty well. I also found old projects of his from when he was at university. Poems and such. John was in a literary club when he studied. He found a poem he connected a lot with."

"How does it go?"

"**_Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
Maybe someday you'll have woke up,  
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:  
"Isn't something missing?"_**

**_You won't cry for my absence, I know  
You forgot me long ago.  
Am I that unimportant?  
Am I so insignificant?  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?_**

**_Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
Isn't someone missing me?_**"

"Yeah uh that is not a poem EOS", Jeff said and chuckled a little. "It is a _really _old song that my mother listens to when the moods take her. Wait… John connected to it?"

"Yes he has underlined a part of it. 'You won't cry for my absence, I know you forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant? Am I so insignificant?'"

"I made him feel like that", Jeff sighed and felt guilt eat away at his heart. "I made him feel as if I had forgotten him and didn't care." He looked at John's face. "I guess I didn't… not really. Because if I did care about him this would never have happened."

"Actually I think it partly happened because you _do _care", EOS said. "Ever since Scott and Virgil told us what happened I went online to find cases that were similar. I came to a conclusion, would you like to hear it?"

"Why not I have nothing else to do."

"Well obviously sitting at your son's sickbed doesn't count."

"John hasn't taught you sarcasm?"

"You never learned it either?"

"Point taken."

"Thank you now in that study the psychologist came to the conclusion that the mother cared about her child even though it did not appear so. She wanted to spare her child the pain they suffered when they were together with her so she pushed them away to spare them from the pain. You thought John didn't want you near him so you stayed away to do what he asked for… or wanted. Only it was not what he wanted and surely not what he needed."

"Maybe so but what I did was wrong. All of it. I took my anger over the accident out on my son. I took my grief out on him and tried to remove him from my side… from the family even. Whenever we were all at home it was so awkward for the both of us because I guess we both thought the other didn't want the other there. The others didn't notice or didn't want to object. John didn't try to talk to me about it and I never approached him. It became a vicious circle that none of us could escape. I should have acted like the parent and done something about it… but I was just too afraid."

"Yet you asked John to join International Rescue and he accepted."

"He did it for his brothers."

"You didn't ask him for his brothers though, did you?"

"No."

"Why did you ask him?"

"Because he is good with communications and likes space."

"Are you sure that is the _only _reason?" EOS asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Grandma thinks you asked him because deep down you wanted all your sons here with you. You wanted all sides of your late wife where you could see them. You wanted to show them what you can all accomplish when you work together. You had heard what John did while at NASA. You knew what he could do with communications and with computers. You knew he was perfect for his job… and you wanted it to be him. You could have had TB5 automated and rerouted all calls to the Island… but you wanted to include John somehow. You wanted a place for him as well, not just the other boys. Grandma thinks that you wanted to make it up to him, to show him you trusted him with this job an no one else. That you _wanted _him."

"My mother is probably right."

"She always is John tells me… um Mr. Tracy?"

"Yes EOS?"

"What do I call you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well Gordon and Alan keep telling me that John is not just my programmer. In a way he is my father… which makes you my grandfather. But Grandma is not married to you because she is your mother. So calling you granddad or grandfather feels wrong."

"You can call me Jeff."

"Okay Jeff… can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure EOS."

"Look after John, he has wanted it for so long. I can tell."

"So can I now EOS… so can I and don't worry. I will."

"Will you keep that promise dad?" a sleepy voice asked him and Jeff looked down at his son. John's eyes was open slightly.

"I will", Jeff said and swallowed as his voice cracked due to all emotions. "I will son. I will do it right this time. All I ask for is for you to give me the chance to try."

"I guess… I guess I can give you that", John said and his eyes felt heavy. He fought to keep them open.

"Sleep son", Jeff said and felt close to crying. John was going to give him a chance. A chance to make it right and Jeff was going to make it right. He was. He would be damned if he let any of his sons down again. Come hell or high water he would do right by them… all of them.

"I got you", Jeff whispered. "I'll be here when you wake up. Trust me."

"I do", John replied drowsily.

"I love you son."

"I love you too."

* * *

**Thanks for all reviews! This will be the ending chapter. But I have an epilouge planned.**


	18. Epilog

Epilog

"I don't get it", Scott said as he watched the huge screen in front of him and the others. "What is he doing?"

"He's laying low, baiting the enemy", Gordon replied calmly. "Just like he did when we practiced."

"But there's only like two people left other than him and he has the highest stats by far. He overpowers both of the others with weapon power alone!" Virgil objected.

"But power isn't everything you know", Alan said.

"I know that but still!"

"Virg you are not a gamer and you _never _play video games unless it's a flying or art simulation", Gordon said. "You need to think differently in this game."

"But Johnny is at a much higher level than those other two players", Scott interjected again.

"Yes but on of them is a mage who can blast everyone away with a fireball if she finds them. The other one is basically an unbeatable tank. John's a rogue."

"So?"

"So he needs to stick to the shadows and use his bow and sneak attacks", Alan said and he and Gordon shared a look, telling each other Scott and Virgil were both being idiots.

"You are all wrong", Jeff said and all four boys turned to their father. "John is just toying with them."

"Huh?" all four of the brothers said.

"Just watch, in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… Go."

On screen John suddenly sprung out of his hiding place and sprinted across the open field towards the knight in the middle of it. The wizard wasted no time and fired her fireball at him. John just kept running and the knight came towards him.

"What is he doing!?" Scott exclaimed. "He'll get himself killed!"

"No he won't", Jeff said. "Remember what he told us?" They watched John somersault over the knight, getting the knight hit by the fireball and the knight fell to the ground. John twirled around and stabbed him in the head as he fell, killing him and earning the points. Then he crouched down. The wizard started looking around in confusion. As did the Tracy brothers. How could the wizard not see John? He was _right _there! Right in front of her. John calmly put an arrow on the bowstring and pulled the string back. Jeff smirked.

"Game over", he said and John released the arrow. Sending it straight at the wizard, hitting her dead in the heart and ending her game. John smirked and got up from his crouching position and the audience cheered. Jeff whistled loudly while clapping. John removed his VR-glasses and got up from his seat, waving at the people around them.

"And there we have it folks!" the commentators said over the PA system. "This year's winner in Ancient Parchment V Mykris is the one, the only Mister John Tracy!" The audience cheered loudly. "Tracy has been away from competitive gaming for a few years now but he has so far shown why he was ranked as number one in Mykris, Olah, SC, Deadly Fighting, Cavern Quest, Djävulen, Battlepower and Grave Invader."

"Right you are Gorge", the other commentator said. "So far this is Tracy's third solo win in this tournament, he reunited with his old crew and they outclassed the other teams in the SC tournament."

"Sources tell me that this was his last competition this year though Ali."

"What? Why?"

"I dunno maybe he is scared."

"Oi!" John called to the commentators. "Jangler Thyconn isn't scared of anybody. The sign-up time just ran out." He shrugged, but then get swept into a tight hug from his youngest brothers. The commentators shrugged and turned to the next competition.

* * *

"I still don't get why she didn't see you", Scott said as they prepared to leave the competition after John got his medal and had finished talking to the other competitors and wishing them luck in the upcoming matches.

"I told you Scott", John said. "I had maxed out my stealth and unlocked all the perks."

"I still don't get it", Scott said and this time John, Gordon, Alan _and _their father sighed. "What?"

"Remember when we played Mykris at home", John asked and Scott and Virgil nodded. "You asked which the best ability was to level up for your characters. I explained then that as Virgil was a tank character he needed to level up strength and athletics. While Scott needed some acrobatics for his uh… 'nimble knight'. I _told _you that I always play as a rogue due to a nifty little trick you learn if you have 100% in stealth, persuasion and deception. You unlock a little perk called 'deceiving warrior'."

"Which means?" Virgil asked.

"If I crouch down in the middle of battle my opponent loses sight of me and I convince them to look for another target _and _that they can't see me."

"What?!" Scott and Virgil exclaimed.

"Hey don't yell at me, I did not design this game!"

"But you have designed games?" Gordon asked and John chuckled. "Really!? Which one!?"

"A little something called: Cavern Quest 2."

"WHAT!?" Gordon and Alan exclaimed and John laughed again. Scott at first felt that small bang of sorrow when looking at John smiling like that, but he soon felt the sorrow melt away and he smiled as well. It had been a rough couple of months. Jeff had been good to his word and had tried to really be there for all of his boys, but John especially. John at first had been hesitant to let Jeff into his life fully. But with time and lots of talks with his brothers and grandma he gradually let Jeff into his life fully again. Fights had broken out a few times but they had always managed to solve them. One of the best changes, in Scott's opinion, was that John was home more. He no longer felt that he _needed _to stay away to spare everyone from pain. He still stayed for long stints on Thunderbird 5 but he came down more often. They had decided that he was to come home each weekend. Well… he came home every fortnight but they were getting there!

* * *

Something else that had changed was how IR was run. John was still the first person to take the calls and send his brothers out. He was also the one keeping them up to date with information on rescues. Jeff was back in charge, but as he said, he was mostly in charge of the paperwork and the discussions with the GDF and other government and global officials. Jeff held the reins, but John steered. Like always. Scott was happy to be rid of most of the paperwork and Jeff was the one to make final calls on tough decisions. At times the boys did it without asking and a few arguments had risen about it, but Grandma made sure they always reached a good conclusion and ended all arguments peacefully. Jeff had also reclaimed the command of Tracy Industries and he really liked what his sons had accomplished in his absence. All in all, things were going

"Great photographers", Alan's muttering voice cut through Scott's musings. He looked up and noticed a swarm of reporters and photographers coming towards them.

"I'll handle them boys", Jeff said calmly as the press descended on them, all of them shouting his name. "Yes, how can I help the press this evening?"

"Mr. Tracy did you enjoy the competitions today?" a young reporter asked.

"Yes very much so."

"What was your favorite game to watch today sir?" another young reporter asked.

"Hm…" Jeff thought for a moment. "I enjoyed a lot of them but as an old racing game lover myself I loved the racing tournament a lot. It was nerve wracking."

"Your son seemed to be quite successful today", a woman said. "Are you proud?"

"Very and surprised. It was a talent he had kept hidden from the family until recently when he decided to wipe the floor with me and his brothers."

"Is there any truth to the statements that you used your wealth to rig the competitions in his favor?" Scott could have throttled the woman but felt Virgil grip his arm tightly. Scott then turned to look at John only to find that John was nowhere to be found. Now that was just not fair! How could he always just… disappear like that!? Did he have that 'deceiving warrior-thing' for real?

"I will have you know that there is _no _truth whatsoever to that", Jeff growled darkly and the journalists involuntarily took steps back. Scott smirked. Oh yes, papa bear was out. "My son achieved all his victories fair and square with his talents and skills alone. I have _never _used my wealth or influence to help my sons get ahead and I am not planning to start now. John is a talented gamer and have been for many years. This is not his first wins. Thy are the first I have witnessed and I am very proud of my son, all of my sons. Now if that was all good night." Jeff wrapped his arms around Alan's shoulders and John's and steered them away, towards their car. Wait when did Jeff find John? When did John reappear? Scott was confused.

* * *

When they got into the car Jeff told the driver to get them to the hotel. John was smiling softly.

"Dad you didn't have to do that", he said.

"Maybe not but I will always step in to defend my sons", Jeff said calmly and ruffled John's hair. "But I will have you teach me how to melt away like that."

"And you have to teach us how you caught him dad", Gordon said. "Honestly Johnny it's not fair that you can just disappear and let the rest of us suffer the press!"

"Not my fault you guys are not sneaky enough to get away", John teased and his brothers shoved him lightly throwing "insults" at him. John just chuckled. Jeff shook his head before smiling. His sons were all so different from each other, no one more so than John. However Jeff had found that he cherished that in them all and he was extremely happy that he was getting the chance to get to know what kind of young man Alan was turning into and get to know what kind of men his four other sons had become in his absence. He had left his sons behind when that rescue went wrong but now he was getting them back. _All _of them and part of him told him that maybe, just maybe that accident eight years ago should not have been wished undone. Because if it had… he cast a quick look at John who was trying to ignore his youngest brothers pressing him about the new Cavern Quest game. If Jeff had never been sent to outer space that way, the boys would not have come to fetch him, the Hood would never had gotten John to admit his deepest thoughts and Jeff could never have asked for his forgiveness and John would never have started to finally heal… the family would never have been able to heal. Jeff had one thing he still wished undone… telling John he'd wanted him dead. That was something he would always wish undone… always. But maybe one day John would be able to fully forgive that and then, then Jeff would finally be able to forgive himself.

* * *

**And that is the end! Thanks for all reviews you lovely people! I have an idea for a new fic. Hope to get it on paper soon :)**

**Oh and gold stars to those who can figure out all the fake games I listed... well Cavern Quest was in an episode so that one doesn't count!**


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